The settlers of the Silent Island of Crow were busy preparing for their expedition to the Reality world. Ivanova was indulging in the deep darkness of wherever she dwelled, sharpening her weapons for the big outing. The Emperor was telling Sally what to take care of while he was gone and not to touch his precious fashion books with her greasy fingers. Yanna was mixing her cyanide poison in her high caves.

And Lady Syrenna was sitting under the shade of a maple tree, reading a fantasy book, the slacker! She was in the middle of an exciting part, where two nuns were battling with their magical powers in a dark corridor, when a weird sound rang out - a braying sort of cackle and babble - a sound that had never been heard on the Island before.

Syrenna looked up and saw a pack of three jeaned, hooddied and pony-tailed species of animal she had only read about and never before seen. The wild and 'totally' predictable Twinks!

She jumped up, tucking her book under a rock. She ran out into the sunlight, avoiding the Twinks' fierce eyes. She leaped forward and did a tumble behind a grassy hill. They almost saw her. She crawled like a soldier on her stomach to some prickly bushes, before she started to run all hunched over.

"Why in the world are you walking like an ape?"

Syrenna looked up. It was Yanna, floating above her on her bat-like wings. Syrenna pulled her down and pointed towards the Twinks through the thorns on the tangled branches.

"OH NO! HERE? HOW DID THEY GET HERE?! WHY!? OH NO! WE MUST DRIVE THEM OUT IMMEDIATELY! BUT NEVER TOUCH THEM, OR YOU WILL BECOME LIKE THEM! OH CRAP! OH SHIT! WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE? THEY MUST BE DRIVEN OUT BEFORE THE RUIN OUR ISLAND!" Yanna ranted before Syrenna jumped on her and clamped her hands over her mouth. They waited with bated breath as the Twinks walked past, too absorbed with their own silly little conversation to have heard the screams of Yanna.

"Then I was like 'Oh my god' and then he was like 'Dude"...like he is sooo hot... oh my god!"

They covered their ears and avoiding the Twinks' gazes, the two Magical Royalties slipped past to the Emperor's house...

Ivanova stopped sharpening her many swords and looked up. They were here, the things she had sworn her hatred to... the "popular" people... the TWINKS! Growling to herself, she left the dark and flew silently towards the Emperor's home. The Twinks were rather close, so she landed and used the shadows to make her way there.

As she crept, she heard some hushed voices talking in a bush. Ivanova snuck up and was about to slit the throats of the two speakers when she noticed that it was Syrenna and Yanna! Hurriedly hiding her knife behind her back, she greeted them, "Uh, hey guys! You see the Twinks too?"

Of course, since they had neither heard nor seen Ivanova sneak upon them, they were rather startled.

"Bloody fuck! Don't do that!" Yanna hissed. Ivanova laughed nervously, but then Syrenna silenced them as the Twinks drew near.

"Come on," she said, "We have to warn the Emperor..."

The Emperor was sitting in a fluffy, giant chair, quietly sipping his noon cocoa when all of a sudden, he heard a sort of screechy tapping at his window. He nearly spilled his cocoa all over his new Victorian chair covering, and was very wrathful and big-eyed at the thought of stains everywhere! He stomped to the window and looked out, growling and blowing steam through his nose at the cold window glass.

And just then, three muttering maniacs came tumbling in through the glass and Emperor Beluga was thrown, rolling to the corner of the room. The Emperor stood up and yelled, "What the hell?!"

Yanna, Ivanova and Lady Syrenna sat still, motioning the Emperor to be silent. They whispered to him, one by one, about the smelly strangers that had walked amongst them during that day. The Emperor was shocked! How could Twinks have arrived here?!

And with that, the four Magical Royalties walked out to the round golden roof of his abode, hiding behind the stony ledge, each one's eyes just merely peeping through the cracks looking for the Twinks.

"Gadzooks! There they are!" The Emperor gasped, "What skanks! I can smell their cheap perfume all the way from here!"

The Emperor was definitely one who had an understanding of vanity, and he came up with a sudden plan.

"Let's capture them first and torture them, and see how they got here! What do you think of that?"

Everyone agreed.

Quickly, Emperor Beluga fashioned a small compact gadget and filled it with shimmering water. The water lay motionless in the crevice of the gadget. He took an emerald and placed it into the hole.

"It's a mirror!" Everyone yelled out.

"And with this mirror, and with their vanity, they are sure to fall into the vain pleasure of their skank faces!" The Emperor laughed.

They placed it at the bottom of the rocky shore, and the shimmer of the water attracted the Twinks to come. They talked in their disgusting valley accent/dialect while looking with snob faces at their reflections. Their joy quickly ended when the emerald the Emperor put into the mirror burst into many fragments and caused the water to trickle out, causing their reflections to become mutilated and jagged in the process.

They screamed so loudly at this! And cried! And panic arose on the beach!

Ivanova laughed and laughed. Making the skanky Twinks scream was funny! But the Twinks did not find Ivanova's laugh to be funny, in fact, they found it to be quite scary! So off the Twinks ran, bumping into each other as they screamed. One of them happened to smash her skull against a tree and fell unconscious to the ground.

"Yeah! We caught a Twink!" The Magical Royalties yelled.

But there was a very snobby one in the group of three Twinks. She stood, chin held up, and began advancing towards the Royalties. She had dyed blond hair (fake) with a black hairy mole at the left side of her mouth. She had such snobby eyes you would have liked to punch her in the face right at that moment! And she said, "Waa.a.awa..a.wa..w.a..."

They could not understand her in her thick accent, and they all began to laugh maniacally. The tall girl spat at them and immediately the four Royalties began to get extremely pissed! THEY CUSSED AND HISSED AND CUSSED all over the girl, and the girl screamed and cried. Her face cracked and Yanna said, "Ha ha this looks like the one we should torture. She would know."

And then, the snobby smelly girl ran as fast as she could to the trees and started throwing giant grey dirty stones at them!

The Magical Royalties looked at each other. How could someone be so stupid? Lady Syrenna growled quite loudly and the trees bent down to grab the snobby Twink. She screamed and screamed and tried to fight her way free, but she was so skinny and tall that she had no muscles and she probably couldn't have battered her way out of a paper bag... a wet paper bag full of holes.

And just then the third Twink tried to take a stab at Yanna with a twig. The Emperor took out his whip and lassoed her neck, pulling her back to the wet beach sand, which was beginning to get muddy with the incoming tide.

Yanna took a step forward and the Twink began lashing out again, but since she was stupid, she had already gotten the twig wet and it wasn't even hard, but actually soft and nice to the skin. Yanna took her knife and stabbed her hard in the gut!

Innards spilled out all over the sand. The Emperor was horrified, for his nice little vintage booties were now splashed with blood! Ivanova laughed at his angry frown as Yanna wiped off her knife. Syrenna summoned a net of vines to drag the Twink in the tree off to be tortured. They each took a corner and began to drag her off.

Unbeknownst to the Islanders, the unconscious Twink awoke. She stalked them in the cover of the bushes. But, stupid her, she was still in the forest and Lady Syrenna could sense her. The Twink, probably named Jenny, or Jeni, or Jeny, or Jennie, or Jeighney, or Jeneigh, crept up behind them, ready to strike with a big thorny stick.

Syrenna, dropping her corner of the net, spun around and drew her sword. She held it snug under the Twink's bum chin. Her big mouth opened to show her large donkey teeth while her bleach blonde, dark rooted hair, held high in a snobbish Twink ponytail, flew in the breeze. She lifted her bean pole leg to kick Syrenna, but her tight ass jeans only permitted her to kick so high. Her foot didn't even get close to Syrenna. All that came of her attack was the sound of denim ripping.

Syrenna looked down then back to the Twink. Ivanova broke out laughing: the Twink had ripped a seam in her jeans, right in the ass! The Twink was about to swing the thorny stick but Syrenna caused it to throw its thorns at the Twinks eyes with her forest magic.

The Twink squealed like a piggy in a high voice. Her upturned nose wrinkled as she prepared to huck a big snot-filled spitball at Syrenna, but that never happened because Syrenna, smiling, brought her sword up and sliced her horrible head off! She plunged her sword into the ground to wipe the blood from it, then picked up the corner of the net and continued to drag the alive Twink to her torture.

Yanna walked along, happily muttering to herself.

"What is she saying?" Syrenna asked Ivanova.

"I'm not sure," Ivanova answered, "But I think it has something to do with cigarettes and razor blades. SOUNDS LIKE FUN!"

They dragged the Twink along the rough ground for some time until the Lady stopped them and asked, "Where shall we torture this thing?"

Ivanova kicked the Twink and then began to laugh, and then Yanna got in on the kicking fun.

"STOP IT!" The Emperor yelled over their giggles, "I want to find out how this... this THING got on my Island!"

So they tied her up to a scraggly tree nearby and whipped her with the hard rope that lay in lady Syrenna's hair (like medieval hair or whatever time period that was... decoration... with the flowers in a wreath).

They began to stick on glossy aqua papers to her legs and pulled them very quickly, causing her hair holes to bleed and her to scream in agony. Yes, they were waxing her!

"Ah, stop it now!" Ivanova warned. "You know if she is so vain, she'll be happy at the end that her legs are so smooth.."

And that was true. So they used the rope again from Syrenna's hair and began whipping her! And whipping her! What a great sound it was! Then, the Emperor called out, "Now where exactly do you come from?! WENCH!"

And the Twink spat and spat, and that only got them to bring out the CAT-O-NINE-TAILS! And then finally through her sobs, they faintly heard teeny words: "Quir...y...Qu..ky..." And they all gasped at once!

"Of course!" Ivanova said, whipping the Twink for fun, "When Queen Quirky came here, she said that she left her island because of Orgs or something! That must be what drove the Twinks here!"

Lady Syrenna shook her head "But why were there Twinks on her island, she is not a Twink?"

Everyone looked at her.

"Well, maybe a bit of a Twink..."

"I don't care about that!" Yanna yelled, "I say we go to this island of hers and KILL ALL THE ORGS AND TWINKS!"

"Hehehe, are you sure she didn't say orgies?" Syrenna asked with a waggle of her eyebrows, "I guess we better inform Queen Quirky that we're finally going to free her home?" Syrenna glanced over at the bloody Twink.

"Oh My God!" The Twink squealed, "You, like, scratched my begorgeous nails! Like, I just had them, like, totally done!"

Yanna flipped her the bird. The Twink did not like that one bit.

"Like, whatever to you too! You are all freaks! As soon as I, like, get outta here, you'll all be, like, sorry or whatever!"

The Royalties looked at each other then laughed till tears ran out of their eyes. Ivanova walked up to the Twink and grabbed her feeble wrist and looked at her bony, clammy hand. With her index finger and thumb, she grabbed the long plastic nail of the Twink's index finger and she bent it back. There was a loud 'snap' and the nail broke, ripping some of the skin. Blood oozed out. The Twink squealed with pain and began to 'violently' writhe in her bindings. They all laughed again. But with all her thrashing, her skank jeans slipped down a bit, revealing a string looping over her hip and into her pants.

"Look she's wearing ass floss! FLOSS FLOSSS FLOSSSS!! Snap it, Emperor, snap it!" Ivanova screamed.

Then the Emperor squealed, "Eww what?! Ass floss?! Is that like a tampon or something?!" He kicked the Twink, which was enough to break her free of the vines holding her to the tree, and she rolled to the bottom of the shore where the tide was coming in. She probably could have escaped from the rest of the vines by herself, but she was too dumb to realize she could.

They all gasped as the Twink got washed away and the girl screamed, "Like, OH MY GOD, I am in, like, water! Like whatever... like... I think I'm totally drowning, man... like shyyaa.."

"Ass floss is, like, totally a thong!" Syrenna laughed, mimicking the Twinks dialect. The Emperor made a gross face at that. No way would he put his hands anywhere near a Twinks ass. Who knew what had been there! Syrenna looked to each of the Royalties, asking, "Do you think we should save her?"

The others shrugged.

"Hey look!" Ivanova said suddenly, pointing at the Twink, "Someone is saving her! But who? It's DEBORAH the witch! I guess she survived your cyanide, Yanna!"

Yanna yelled out, "Like, totally, oh my god! We, like, totally forgot about her!"

Emperor replied, "Like ssshyaa..." And waved his little fingers.

Ivanova screamed, "Oh no! They're beginning to get cooties! They're turning into Twinks!" And she screamed and screamed and took her silver harpoon and shot it through to the sea, impaling both Deborah and the Twink! Syrenna then used her powers and made some seaweed drag the human shish kabob and let it rest on the dry sand. They smelled like such a pungent sour smell altogether, on that naughty stick...

And just then, Yanna and the Emperor began convulsing and giggling like little girls. Their clothes turned into miniskirts and their hair began to lighten... like blond hair!

"Like, eww, like, totally, oh my god, look at them... like, they shyaa smell.. oh my, like, god... OH MY, LIKE, GOD!"

"Damn TWINKS!" Syrenna swore, "Where is this Queen of the Twinks! This Quirky! I'll bet she can undo this Twink curse from The Emperor and Yanna! Ivanova, we must find her."

Yanna grabbed at the Emperor's long bleached hair and started braiding it while the Emperor talked on and on with not a pause for breath about a phone conversation he had the other day. He began to paint his toenails a bright pink with the nail polish that fell out of the Twink's tight ass pocket. Yanna put some lip gloss on him and proceeded with eye shadow - bright blue!

"Let's hurry!" Ivanova said.

Bob, who had been watching from a distance, saw the transformation of the two. He was terrified and wet himself before fleeing to the caves to hide. There was a horrifying pandemonium on the Island as two of its rulers turned into stupid creatures.

Ivanova grabbed a stick and began to poke the two Royal Twinks, "How will we get them to Quirky, if we touch them, then we will become Twinks also!" She asked Lady Syrenna, but the Lady was backing away from her.

"Don't you remember," Syrenna asked, "That you touched the Twink too?"

Ivanova dropped the stick and screamed! Her scream opened up a crack in the ground, and blue flames began to shoot from the hole. Ivanova then took her hand and plunged it into the flames. Syrenna looked on in horror as her fellow Royal burnt her hand. After a moment, Ivanova pulled her hand from the fire... it looked absolutely fine!

"What the hell did you do!?!" Lady Syrenna asked.

Ivanova shrugged, "Meh, I just burnt the cooties off. The blue flames only kill foreign objects on your body. Think of it as the disinfectant of the flame world!"

Lady Syrenna shook her head, "Well, it was bloody disturbing. Come on, we can use some vine nets to carry them," she said, pointing to the giggling Royalties.

Syrenna summoned up some vines and tangled them, forming the nets. They threw them over the two Royalties then began to drag them along. They fought in the nets, but being skinny dumb Twinks, they didn't cause much hassle.

"Like, you are such a, like, BITCH!" Yanna yelled at them all.

The Emperor slapped her. "Shut yer mouth!" He said in a high pitched squeak. Ivanova burst out laughing, dropping her side of the net. Syrenna shook her head.

"Yo mamma!" Yanna yelled back at the Emperor. She then kicked him with her toothpick leg in his heavily made-up face. They ended up in a big cat fight in the net, biting, screaming and moaning, clawing and slapping. Their very mini skirts kept climbing up, forcing Syrenna to let go of the side of the net to turn away. Ivanova was still in stitches on the ground. Just then the net slipped and the two went rolling down a hill, roll roll roll...

And what a big regret that was! The two Royal Twinks rolled down the hill and back to the shore. The waves washed up and sucked them in. Ivanova and Lady Syrenna stood quiet, trying to hear if they were drowning or not.

Just then, Emperor Beluga rose up from the crashing tide, like the Birth of Venus only slutty, and took out a conch! And with it he blew the most loud noise everywhere! It was like a really cheesy pop song that only Twinks liked. And the language was so boor.

"Like, oh my god, totally, yeah, and let's go to the beach, yeah... and get drunk, yeah... like sexy, yeah!"

Ivanova and Lady Syrenna shut their ears tightly, and their mouths dropped open when in the distance of the horizon, they could see a GIANT PINK SHIP!

"Twinks?!"

"An army!"

The ship gained slowly.

"Is it Queen Quirky? Maybe-" Syrenna stopped in mid-sentence. She looked out over the ocean and what did she see among the waves but, "PEOPLE ON SURFBOARDS!!" She yelled. Males on surfboards! They listened for a moment as the conch blowing of Twink sex music stopped.

"Like, surfs up dudes! This is, like, totally far out!" This surf Twink jumped off his board and ran up to the Emperor in his big flowery surf shorts.

"I, like, totally heard your mondo bizarro song, and like, came! You're, like, so hot dudette!" And with that, he picked the Emperor right off the ground and kissed him! Ivanova and Syrenna stood shocked. They looked at each other and broke out into hysterical laughing!

Once calmed they scaled down the hill and onto the beach. The Surfer Dudes were waiting...

Emperor Beluga collapsed from the kiss and his face began to be filled with strange blemishes and so on.

"I suppose the thing was dirty!" Ivanova said.

Yanna fell backwards from being hit by Emperor Beluga's head, and she inherited the blemishes as well!

Then the water came crashing faster and faster onto the sandy beach as the smelly Surfer Dudes came to chase Ivanova and Lady Syrenna away (apparently, the conch song was A LOVE SONG), and chased and chased them across the beach!

And with the trouble the two Royals were in, the pink ship arrived on the beach unhindered and on it were the TWINKS. They seemed to keep secret this golden phone-look-alike gadget... They were very gentle with it and put it in a velvet box. ("Now I wonder what the importance in that was!" Syrenna asked. She and Ivanova felt it was connected to Queen Quirky somehow. After all, it had a ridge of curly hair like hers, and freckles on the glassy covering of the phone... all like Queen Quirky!)

Ivanova and Syrenna saw all the Twinks descending from the ship. The Surfer Dudes surrounded the two and began threatening them with crabs! The sea life kind, not the STD kind!

Syrenna folded her arms. She thought and thought as the mob grew bigger. She smiled then put her hands on her hips.

"Like dudes! Back off! Don't you, like, think those waves over there will go away! They're, like, soooo totally rad! I wanna see who can surf the best! I bet you can," she leaned in close to a tall blonde stupid-looking dude. She winked at him. He nearly fell over with a dumber look in his eyes. He smiled a big stupid smile and blushed.

"Not you too!" Ivanova screamed. She thought that the Lady was cursed with the Twink infection. Syrenna glared at her then growled under her breath so Ivanova would understand. The blond Surfer grabbed his board and frolicked to the waves.

"No, I'm, like, more tubular of a Surfer than he is!" A brown-haired Dude said. He grabbed his board and ran out to the waves. Soon all the mob of Surfers were in the ocean showing off. Ivanova and Syrenna were free to help the Emperor and Yanna.

They knelt down beside the unconscious Royalties. Yanna flinched and opened an eye when Ivanova flicked her nose. "Like, am I in, like, Hell?" She asked, looking at the worried expressions of Ivanova and Syrenna.

"Well, sort of. Now get off your ass and help us wake the Emperor!" Ivanova yelled.

"No! You, like talk to me nicer or I'll, like, totally scream!"

Ivanova flipped her the bird.

"Like, talk to the hand cuz the face ain't listenin'!" She crossed her arms and lifted her nose high in the air. Ivanova was ready to kill her.

They heard Syrenna gasp. They turned around. All the Twinks had descended from the pink ship. They were coming their way!

"Dammit!" Ivanova said, clenching her teeth.

"We must get that box those two Twinks were carrying... that thing inside must be a phone," Syrenna said.

"So, ‘tis no time to phone for pizza, Lady!" Ivanova scolded.

"I think it will kill them... or stop them at least." Syrenna looked back. Yanna was signalling the Surfer Dudes over.

"Frick!" Syrenna grunted.

"Frick? Hahahaha! Just say FUCK...fuck fuck fuckadee fuck!" Ivanova began to go off into a song involving only this word. Syrenna rolled her eyes as Ivanova began frolicking around to her 'happy' tune. And completely missed the Twinks that were now circling them!

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck fuckfuckfuckfuck FUCK FUCK!" Ivanova sang happily as the Twinks descended upon them. She finally snapped out of it when one of the Surfer Dudes tried to hit on her.

"Like, wow babe, your singing is totally awesome!" A bleached-blond thing said. Ivanova recoiled in horror and stood back to back with Lady Syrenna.

"Are you quite done now?" The Lady growled.

"Yeah, any idea as to what we should do?"

"Well, we need to get the phone - I'm sure it's the key to solving this mess!" Syrenna said, "But I don't want to leave Yanna and the Emperor here alone..."

Ivanova snapped her fingers and laughed, "The blue flame! It might be able to burn out the Twinkiness in them!"

"Give it a try!" Syrenna said, nodding.

Ivanova extended her hand and a fissure opened up below the two Twinkified Royalties. The blue flames shot out once again and Yanna and the Emperor howled.

"You're hurting them!" Syrenna yelled over the screaming.

"No, that's just the Twink in them!" Ivanova replied.

After a few moments more, the screaming stopped and Ivanova recalled the flames. Yanna and the Emperor were back to normal!

The Emperor blinked crazily as he got up from the burning heat of the flame. He started yelling then became quiet again. "You two cuss quite a lot!" He chastised.

Just then the army of Twinks started charging, more and more of them, and the girlies shot out a spray of the most abominable cheap flower perfume existing! It hurt the Islander's noses, and they collapsed on the ground squeaking, all nasal-y, before falling unconscious!

When next they awoke, they realized they were tied up and in the front of the pink ship! And oh my, what a tacky ship it was! Ivanova's eyes glowed RED!

"I can't see anything! It's all pink! The pink's blinded me!! I HATE PINK!"

Ivanova yelled and stomped, flinging powdery white sand everywhere. The sand got in the nearby Twinks eyes, causing them to water like crazy. With all this extra eye liquid, the Twinks contacts popped out, revealing that they all had ugly eyes! The Twinks screamed as they scrambled frantically over each other, trying to get the gritty lenses back into their eyes.

"Quick," Yanna said, "Let's escape while they're distracted!"

Emperor Beluga used his canines and cut through the tight ropes. Everyone was unleashed. The war then began, and the four stood there, drawing their weapons (the stupid Twinks hadn't thought to disarm them!), before they began screaming like mad, cutting through the syphilis-riddled bones of the dudes and dudettes!

Ivanova's sword slashed through a Twink's neck like a knife through warm butter.

Lady Syrenna's powers of the forest caused vines to raise up the Surfers and throw them into the masts of the ship, screaming for help. She made them crash up and down on the boards and they, in the end, were as flat and distorted as moray eels.

Yanna's scimitar made a shish kabob out of three dudes and four dudettes. Oh, what a nice combination that was!

And Emperor Beluga's crown caused a glimmering that struck the airheads with awe and allowed him to jump over the decks and grab the box that had been thrown to the corner of the main vestibule door.

He opened it with as much care as possible, and saw that inside lay a glowing tampon!

The Emperor screamed and threw the box from him. Out from it rolled the phone case that resembled Queen Quirky - evidence of a setup, perhaps? The other three Royalties joined him on the deck of the ship, Ivanova holding the Twinks at bay with a wall of fire.

"Eeeewww! It was a feminine hygiene product, not a Quirky phone!" The Emperor wailed, holding his little hands in front of him as if they were contaminated with something nasty.

Syrenna growled and picked up the offending item, muttering something about ‘boys'. As they looked at the tampon (the Emperor cowering behind Ivanova), they saw that it wasn't a tampon at all, but some sort of radio transmitter! On the side of it was something in very small print. Ivanova peered closer...

"Of course!" She yelled, causing the fire to billow out and kill some Twinks, "I should have known it wasn't Quirky or her Lover! They aren't that type of people!"

They turned their attention to the radio transmitter once more, and on the bottom, they saw something engraved: Property of Sandy!

"Sandy! I know the name ‘Sandy' from the Reality world!" Ivanova explained, "She was in that hell place when I went there before! She had such a loud laugh!"

The Emperor yelled loudly in it, "HELLO? Hello???" And soon a static noise roared through the sky. It sounded very hoarse and as if there was a storm nearby.

"H..e..p...He...lp... Quee..nn...Q...rk..y...he..re....down...st...a.i..."

Lady Syrenna sent out a peregrine falcon to scout the area for Queen Quirky, in case she really was around. And then a bunch of Twinks fell from the masts and pounded on everyone's heads! More were to come! More, more!

The Royalties screamed and slashed at their enemies' throats. The Twinks were becoming very irritating.

The Emperor, being the smallest of all, ran to the giant doors that led deeper into the ship and slipped through them. He found a staircase leading to a dark room and he could quietly hear mumbling. Then the falcon came rising up and its squawk freaked the hell out of the Emperor. He screamed!

Lady Syrenna talked to the bird. "It says there is someone downstairs! Tied up!"

They ran down and barricaded the door with a bunch of beer barrels. Cheap, shitty beer barrels full of cheap, shitty beer. How much they stank! And the Royalties crept slowly downstairs. There was, it seemed, a girl. And she had a sort of Southern accent.

Suddenly there was a thumping sound around them. Things were falling! When Yanna turned her head, she got hit right in the centre of the forehead with a shot-put and fell down unconscious. Ivanova said, "Oh she'll come to. Let's keep moving."

They walked ahead with umbrellas as shields and suddenly the noise stopped. They looked up, and there was a giant sponge sitting on the floor with tiny skinny yellow legs moving really quickly.

"He has nice shoes," the Emperor commented.

They looked up from under their umbrellas and saw a woman in a spacesuit. And she had a giant furry tail! And buck teeth! And chestnuts!

"Oh no... it isn't noisy Sandy from Reality, it's Sandy from Spongebob Squarepants!" Ivanova said, pointing at the squirrel.

Just then, Yanna came stumbling over to them, rubbing her head and muttering something about people who leave her behind. The Emperor in the meantime was giggling and jumping up and down, singing the Spongebob theme song with the spongy thing.

"So it isn't Queen Quirky! Would Twinks even be smart enough to do a frame job?!" Yelled Syrenna. "Hey you, squirrel. Do you know anything about Queen Quirky? What are you doing down here?" And she slapped Sandy while saying this.

"Ah, quit the interrogation talk!" And Sandy slapped Lady Syrenna back with her giant tail, "I dunno no Queen Quirky... Spongebob and I were jellyfish hunting when all'ova' sudden this pink dye came all around us and were surrounded by giant nets!"

Spongebob said, "Aww.. that's right Sandy. No Jellyfish!" And he began laughing like a lamb. Then the Emperor laughed like a lamb, and he took Spongebob and with his sponge-body squished water out and made a print on his chest.

"A damp signature! Like a tattoo!" The Emperor happily yelled out.

Just then, a telephone rang...

Everyone looked around at everyone else as the phone rang.

"You answer it!"

"No, you answer it!"

"I'm not gonna, you do it!"

And so everyone argued about who should answer the phone, until-

"SHUT UP!!! I'll answer the bloody thing!" Ivanova yelled, before picking up the phone.

"Hello?" She asked whoever was on the other end.

There was silence for a moment, then whoever it was yelled out, "Why the hell aren't the Islanders captured yet? The parents of all those murdered witches who were on their graduation celebration won't stop harassing me! What is the bloody hold up?! You do know we have a deadline to meet. First the Silent Island, then it's off to Cheese Island!" Ivanova held the phone away from her ear. Everyone could hear the person on the other end. It sounded like a man, a very anti-smiley man.

"What should I tell him?" Ivanova hissed.

"That we are captured," Syrenna said.

They all looked at her.

"Are you crazy?" Yanna asked, still rubbing her head.

"Think of it this way, If we are here, maybe the Twinks will take us to their leader. Then we can stop this problem right at the source!"

The Emperor nodded, then began laughing like Spongebob.

"Quiet that damn sponge down right now, Jeney!" The voice yelled. Ivanova raised an eyebrow. "Uh... sorry, Sir. I'll, like, slap him right away!" She answered in a Twinkish voice.

"Good! Now, GET THOSE ISLANDERS!!"

Ivanova nearly dropped the phone. "Uhh... We, like, already did... Sir..." She said.

"No, you didn't. There is still fire from that Ivan-something or other! If she was captured, the fires wouldn't be burning!"

Ivanova cursed under her breath before she put out the flames with one swish of her hands. "There, Sir, we, like, have contained her now."

She looked to the others who were listening silently. They shrugged helplessly.

"Good. Now, GET TO THAT FILTHY ISLAND OF CHEESE AND BRING ME THEIR LEADER, LIKE WE PLANNED! Then return back to me. The parents want them on trial before the execution. GO!"

And he hung up. On the deck above, they heard the clumping footsteps of the high-heel footed Twinks. The ship jerked and began to move...

Then they began to hear high-pitched sounds. They were short, almost like a half laugh. Ivanova and Syrenna paled at the sound.

"What?" The Emperor asked, confused by their sudden fear.

"It's the Twink mating call!" Syrenna said in a terrified whisper. The other Magical Royalties blanched at the thought. The yips began to get louder as the Twinks drew near.

"What are we going to do!?!" Yanna asked.

The Emperor snapped his fingers, "We must become Twinks!"

Everyone looked at him as though he were insane.

"Fuck you! I refuse to become a Twink!" Ivanova yelled.

"Not actual Twinks, but we dress up as them. Think of it as cosplay!" The Emperor explained.

"Oh, okay then!" Ivanova said.

The Emperor then whipped out his pocket sewing machine and a parcel of gaudy fabrics. "For my cosplay stuff!" He said in response to the quizzical looks everyone gave him.

In a matter of moments, the four Royalty were indistinguishable from the Twinks swarming the ship. They were just in time too, for the very next moment, some real Twinks came and kicked down the door!

"Like, who are you peeps?" One of the blond things said.

"We're, like, running the show, like, totally!" Syrenna answered.

"But, like, wasn't it totally, Jenee who was, like, in charge?" Another asked.

"Those, like, oh my god, Islanders, like, totally killed her!" Ivanova told them.

The Twinks paused for a moment, working out what they had just been told with their tiny little brains.

"Like, okay!" One of them finally answered, and then the Twinks turned around and left.

"That was a close one!" Yanna said after the things had gone.

"Yeah," Ivanova replied, "Now let's find out what the hell is going on!"

They followed the Twinks up the stairs and onto the main deck. They looked around and saw Twinks everywhere! The four recoiled a bit but forced themselves to move on.

The ship was much larger than it looked from the Island. It had huge, long decks of worn wood. Masts and poles of all kinds protruded and ropes hung down from all directions. They stopped beside a tall mast pole.

A blonde Surfer Dude came up to Yanna, "Like, far out, dudette! I, like, think yer skirt is totally wild!"

Yanna looked at Ivanova, who was barely keeping her laughing to herself.

"Like, I totally know!" Yanna said, playing along, "Let's, like, go chill at the, like, front of this ship!"

She glared and began to walk off with the dude. The others looked a little nervous.

"Do you think it is a good idea to wander off?" The Emperor asked.

"Like YEAH! We should blend in!" Syrenna answered.

Ivanova made a face at the Emperor. "Do you want me to hold your hand?" She teased. He glared. The three walked on.

Just then, the Emperor stumbled over a bundle of ropes and rags... and inside were two mating Twinks!

Everyone screamed and ran off in separate directions. After a moment's running, Ivanova stopped and leaned against a wall. She looked around and saw that she was alone.

"Aw crap!" She muttered, "I wonder where the others are?"

Syrenna opened her eyes and found she was at the head of the ship. She looked over the side and saw the white breaking water, and a few dolphins leaping out of the water.

Syrenna smiled. She was about to call out to them in the Silent Animal Language when she heard someone behind her. She straightened and turned around. It was a Surfer Dude.

He had a wreath of hemp and shells tangled in his mop of blonde hair. The sun reflected off his sweat/salt streaked body and his B.O. floated to her nose. She cringed.

"Like, dudette, are you, like, royalty too? I mean cuz I am totally too! I am the Surfer King. King Dude! And besides, Queen Jny is, like, totally being mean to me. What a Twink Bitch! What is, like, yer name?"

Syrenna, in a panic, blurted out, "Uh, like, my name is totally Jhenneigh!"

She thought about jumping over the side of the ship, but no, she would get swept away under the hull, so she put on a dumb face.

"Whoaaa... like, dudette!" The Surfer King was getting a dumb look in his small beady eyes, "Like, what kinda far out job do you have?"

Syrenna didn't know what he was talking about.

"Uhh... grower... of... stuff..." Was the first thing she could think of.

"WHOAAA! Like, no way! Can I, like, have a bag of yer stuff?" King Dude asked.

Syrenna gave him a funny look, "If you want..."

He smiled. "Ya know... I have a PHD,"

She made a weird face. "What.. like... is that?"

He smiled, "A Pretty Huge..." he looked down at his crotch area and smiled.

"OH MY GOD!" Syrenna screamed. Everyone on deck looked at her. She climbed up onto the side of the ship. "YOU FILTHY TWINKS!" She spread her arms out, "I'M QUEEN OF THE FOREST! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL!"

She held out her hand to summon her vines. They did not come. They were too far away from the shore for fresh plant life or even seaweed, and the wood of the ship would take much too long to coax vines out of. She went white, then bright red.

Ivanova glared at her, growling, "She's gonna give us all away!"

Just then, the Twinks all laughed at Syrenna. They pointed and howled. Syrenna jumped down. King Dude started to clap and soon everyone else did too.

"Like, that was a way too totally bizarre and yet very cool impression of that weird forest girl on that stupid and creepy Island!"

The four glared as he said these words of their precious Island.

"Whew," Ivanova thought, "That was a close call!"

She turned to leave and found her way blocked by another of the bleach-blond Surfer things.

"Like, hi! I've never seen you, like, around here!" He said with what he must have thought was a charming smile.

"Uh, I've, like, been busy with the stuff!" Ivanova answered.

"Like, what stuff?"

"Oh, you know, THAT stuff..." She said, winking.

"Oooooh, like, THAT stuff!" The Surfer said with a knowing smile, "That's, like, my favourite stuff!" He added with a wink.

Ivanova was screaming inside, but she managed to paste a sickeningly sweet smile on her face.

"So," the Surfer asked, "Do you wanna go and, like, do some of that stuff with me?"

"Like, totally!" Ivanova replied happily, as she screamed and cursed on the inside. The Surfer began to lead her to the back of the boat, but she stopped him, asking "Can we, like, do it in the control room? Stuff like that really turns me on!"

The Surfer got a huge, horny grin on his face.

"Fer'sher!" He replied and turned back to the front of the boat. The other Royalty saw this and snickered as Ivanova left, but she put her hand behind her back and flipped them off.

"I fucking HATE Twinks!" she thought.

Soon they reached the control room. The Surfer was grinning wide, obviously with the thought of sex in his tiny little mind.

"Like, come'ere babe!" He said, trying to embrace Ivanova. She leapt out of the way with a Twinkish giggle and waggled her finger in his face.

"Nuh uh, big boy! Close your eyes and I'll, like, give you a surprise!" She said. The Surfer grinned and did as he was told, and then Ivanova whipped out her sword and decapitated him!

"Fuck! I HATE Surfers!" She growled. Just then there was a knocking at the door. Ivanova quickly hid the body and then in a singsong voice answered, "Come in!"

The door opened to reveal the other three Royalty!

"About bloody time you guys showed up!" Ivanova snapped as they closed the door behind them.

"What happened to the thing trying to seduce you?" The Emperor asked. Ivanova showed them the body, which was stashed in a cupboard.

Yanna laughed and kicked the thing, saying, "I guess someone wanted some head!"

Ivanova growled a "fuck you!" before they all turned to the control console.

They walked up to the huge board of many buttons. The control panel. The Emperor leaned over and inspected a few buttons. He reached out to touch one but Ivanova grabbed his wrist.

"Don't, you idiot! You don't know what it does! It could plunge us into the sea or something!"

Yanna saw a big black shiny button. As Ivanova was scolding the Emperor, Yanna reached up and pushed it. The whole boat jerked violently - and not the good kind of violently.

The Royalties looked at Yanna. She still had her hand on the big black shiny button. They glared at her. Ivanova was ready to lash out in a violent rage of blood and steel. Syrenna and the Emperor had to hold her back.

Just then, the planks on the floor began to warp. They twisted and bent out of shape. The walls creaked and wriggled - the ship was changing! It bobbed back and forth, throwing the Royalties and Twinks and Surfers all over the place.

Boxes of "stuff" flew off the walls and hit the Emperor in the head. Barrels tumbled onto them and chairs ran this way and that, taking out Yanna. Syrenna was hit with a wooden duck that flew off a shelf and Ivanova got slammed by the body of the Surfer Dude. After a few minutes of unconsciousness and violent warping of the planks and walls around them, the four awoke.

Ivanova screamed and shoved the bloody body off. She stood and began kicking it repeatedly. Yanna pushed the chair off of her and was then attacked by Ivanova. Syrenna stood and looked around, rubbing her forehead where the duck had hit her. The boat was somehow different. There were no planks, but a sleek black floor of marble or some sort of shiny plastic. There were high-tech lights on the neat dark ceiling. The motion of the boat was smooth like if they were floating on air. She looked out the tinted window. They were in the air! The ship had changed into a sleek black plane!

"Hey you guys! Stop killing each other and look at this!"

Yanna and Ivanova untangled themselves from one another and looked out the window. Syrenna kicked the Emperor in the side. He smiled without opening his eyes. "No Lydia, not again... I'm tired..."

The three looked down at him, then burst out into psycho laughing!

Ivanova laughed as she kicked the Emperor awake. He jumped up and screamed "GO AWAY!!" at her, which only made her laugh even harder. He was just about to rage and commit murder when a large screen turned on and they saw a large head of a grumpy man glaring at them!

"Who are you? Where is Jeheney? You have changed into a plane, so why aren't you going to Cheese Island!?" The man yelled, spraying spit everywhere.

"Jenniey, like, died!" Ivanova said in her best Twink accent.

"Really?" The man asked. The four Magical Royalties nodded their heads.

"Fine," He said after a moment, "You four are in charge. I want you on that Cheese Island YESTERDAY!" He yelled before the screen blinked out.

"Well then," Yanna said, "Who knows how to fly a plane?"

"I do I do I dooo!!" The Emperor yelled happily. The three glared at him.

"I can, really!" He insisted as he grabbed the 'joystick'.

"I bet you have fun with that, amongst other things!" Ivanova laughed.

Yanna reached over and pushed another button.

"Hey! Didn't I say to NOT push buttons?!" Ivanova growled.

Yanna folded her arms, saying, "Who died and made you Queen! Oh yeah, that's right. THE DEVIL HIMSELF! Besides, it is the auto-pilot button I pressed. It was already set to Cheese Island." She stuck out her tongue at Ivanova.

Just then the door burst open. It was yet another Dude. "Like, Oh my GOD! Who are you?" He asked, folding his arms.

"We are, like, totally the, like, ones, like, who, like, are, like, in, like, chaaarge!" The Emperor said, swirling his head around like a dumbass. They all rolled their eyes.

"Ass," Yanna whispered under her breath.

"Whoaa, like, who said?" The Dude demanded.

"The big mean guy who was, like, on the screen," Ivanova explained.

"Oh. Well, did he say you were the master of the transformations of this, like, ship? Cause, like, I am..."

"What's, like, yer name, puny Surfer Dude?" The Emperor ordered.

"Like Bater..."

Suddenly, Syrenna started laughing.

"What the hell are you laughing at now?" Yanna asked, glancing at Syrenna.

"MASTER BATER!" She answered. The dude was blushing and embarrassed.

Ivanova collapsed into another fit of her oh-so-evil giggles. Master Bater stared at the floor, grinning with embarrassment. Ivanova pounded the floor as tears streamed from her eyes.

"It's not THAT funny!" Yanna growled.

Just then, the plane began to bank, causing everyone on board to slide to the other end of the plane. When it righted itself again, everyone was in a tangled mess on the floor.

"Like, here, let me help you up!" Master Bater said, grabbing Ivanova's ass. Without thinking, she screamed and spun around, smacking the guy upside the head. Unfortunately, she didn't realize her own strength, and ended up breaking his neck with the force of the blow!

"Ehe, ooops!" She said as they all stared down at the dead Surfer.

"Ah well, with a name like 'Master Bater', he didn't deserve to live anyway..." The Emperor said with a shrug.

"Well, that was dandy," Syrenna said, brushing the dust off of herself. The Royalties stood over the dead Master Bater.

"I wonder what all the turbulence was about?" The Emperor wondered out loud, putting a little finger to his chin.

The four peeked out the window and saw that they were very near Cheese Island.

Yanna pushed the big black button yet again to turn it back into the big pink ship. The plane wriggled and writhed until the black marble floors and the spotless walls became quite different. They became thin and plasticky. The plane was now...

"A MOTOR HOME? You idiot!" Ivanova yelled.

The motor home was now dropping out of the air and down towards the sea, the force of gravity pulled them all up to the ceiling. The dead Master Bater flew up and was stuck to Syrenna. She tried frantically to push him off but it was no use, they were falling too fast!

Yanna was the closest to the button and since motor homes were cheaply made and had very short roofs, the control panel was within her reach. She pushed the button again.

After many seconds of warping, the motor home was now...

"AN OSCAR MAYER WIENER MOBILE!?!"

Ivanova was getting quite mad. She did not like being in a giant wiener (or did she?)! Yanna, again, pushed the button. They could hear the Twinks squealing. This time the Wiener Mobile turned into Wonder Woman's invisible jet!

"Now that's more like it!"

Ivanova indeed liked this one more. Their descent was halted and they fell, with a thud, to the floor.

Syrenna opened her eyes and saw that she was on top of the dude. She gasped and leaped off, kicking his dead corpse in the process. They all looked around. The body of the horny Surfer in the closet was beginning to stink. The Emperor looked down. The floor was transparent! He looked back up and saw that the Twinks and Dudes were staring at them. Some were getting high on "stuff," some were twirling their hair on their fingers while chewing big wads of gum that was far too big for their foul mouths, and some, well, some were completely naked from mating in various places!

A Surfer Dude was pushed up against a transparent wall. It was, in fact, King Dude! His "banana" was all squished up and his face was all warped. They all looked at his "banana". He was indeed right, he did have a PHD. After a moment of staring, the four snapped out of it and turned to the control panel.

Syrenna saw a button labelled "PRE-V-US". She pushed it. The invisible jet craft wriggled into the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile, and their descent began anew, plastering them to the roof. She reached down and pushed it again, and it writhed into the Motor home. They were falling faster it seemed! She was about to press it again but the smelly, horny body was pulled from the closet and slammed her hand to the roof. Yanna, who was partially hit by a decrepit stanky leg, reached down and pushed the button. They were back in the sleek black plane, and they fell to the ground.

The Emperor, who was quite relieved that he didn't get hit by any dead bodies, peeked out the window. They were about to fly into the island! He pressed the button one more time and the plane became the pink ship once more! It fell a few feet and landed with a splash into the sea!

"What's with all this craziness?!" The grumpy old man yelled.

"What? Where's that voice coming from? The screen isn't on!" Ivanova said.

They looked round about the room, which was starting to get really rank from the many dead bodies. The Emperor started to jump up and down as he pointed to a strange glass jug that bubbled with gooey liquid inside. They all gasped when they saw what was inside...

THE GRUMPY OLD MAN'S HEAD!

"What's with your faces?" The old man spazzed. "You know I always send a spare head when I send you on missions! I can't trust your kind to do anything right!"

The liquid inside his jar bubbled and oozed, a sickly green colour... the exact same shade as the Moody Blob. Syrenna was quick to point that out.

"There must be a connection between this terrible man and that terrible blob!" The Emperor thought to himself, finger on his chin as he circled the jar. The head gnashed his teeth at him.

Lady Syrenna began to laugh, remembering how they had defeated the Moody Blob by hiding it away high up in a tree. And how it was still up that tree, and that it had been quite some time since they fed the Blob. Her eyes bulged after they realized it could be close to death from starvation.

Ivanova, who had come to the same realization, began to giggle to the picture of death in her mind.

"So like, yeah... we knew you sent, like, a spare head," Yanna said.

Ivanova began to laugh again at the word HEAD. She laughed and laughed.

"Umm, I guess she's, like, just totally high?" Explained Syrenna.

But then Ivanova abruptly stopped laughing, hunkering down to be eye level with the head in the jar. She was deathly quiet and still for a moment, before screaming, "AH HELL! I HATE EXPLAINING THINGS! WE'RE NOT GOING TO LET YOU INVADE THIS SO-CALLED CHEESE ISLAND! We'll just kill you now! It's not like anyone else has enough intellect or strength to kill us... I mean, YOU ARE JUST A HEAD. And your stupid Twinks are all out of it! Drunk! Deadbeats!"

So Ivanova began screaming and lashing at the grumpy man's jar.

"NO YOU PSYCHO MANIAC!" Cried Yanna, tackling Ivanova before she could make good on her threat, "Homicidal imbecile! He probably knows what they'll do here on the island!"

So they took the jar out of Ivanova's reach and the Emperor came up with the idea of cutting up the dead Surfer's bleeding fingers and dropping them inside the jar. The old man cussed and cussed. The Royalties laughed so loud seeing his wrinkles show up even more clearly and his veins pop. The pungent stench of the blood made the old man cry. And he finally cracked.

"I'll tell you... I'll tell you..."

Then all of a sudden, the floor began to crack open and heads of the Twinks began popping up! They began trying to bite at the four's feet! Trying to kill them!

"Yeah! Kill'em now!" The old man laughed, "Kill'em now! Faster, faster Twinks, kill, kill!"

Then the old man's jar began to rise up into the ceiling. It burst a hole and went into the sky! Outside of the ship!

"Dammit!" Lady Syrenna swore.

"Oh well, who needs a wrinkly old head anyways?"

"SHUT UP, IVANOVA!" Syrenna growled as Ivanova laughed loudly at the words 'wrinkly old head'.

The Twinks calmed and descended back into the floorboards. The four opened the door of the ship's control room and stepped out into the bright sun. They lowered the ramp to the shore of the Cheese Island.

They, and about fifteen Twinks and Dudes, stepped upon the warm cheesy sand. The Emperor bent down and scooped up a handful. He took a bite. "Mmm, it is parmesan cheese! How, like, totally neato!"

The others gave him a funny look.

Just then a big cheese spear flew past their heads and stuck into the cheese sand. They all looked ahead and saw a tribe of vicious warriors known as the Blue Cheese Warriors! Dun dun dun!

"Eeewwww, blue cheese is nasty!" Ivanova said quietly as the warriors came out of the cheese trees.

"Halt, Twinks! We shall not let you and your sheep-like ways defile our island!" The head Cheese Warrior shouted. The Twinks looked around stupidly, not able to comprehend the threat. The Blue Cheese Warriors threw their hardened spears of cheese at the Twinks and the Royalties. While the spears killed the Twinks, they were harmless to the Royalty, but Ivanova pulled them all to the ground to give the impression that they had been killed as well.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?!" The Emperor hissed as they hit the cheese sand.

"That guy in charge of the Twinks might be watching, and this way he'll think all the Twinks have been killed! I'm betting that the cheese guys will drag us back to their village, but we'll slip off beforehand and shed our Twinkish attire. We need to warn the cheese people... more Twinks may be sent!" Ivanova explained.

So they pretended to be dead, and sure enough, they were tied up with the other dead Twinks to be dragged away.

Midway through the cheese forest, they managed to escape their bonds and slip away unnoticed.

As they rolled down the hill quietly in the hot sandy ground of Cheese Island, they could smell the strong stench of the titular cheese all over them.

"I thought I liked cheese," said Yanna, "But with all of this smell and having it all over me, I feel like I stink so much."

"You do stink," replied Ivanova and she laughed, "And it may not be the cheese!"

Then they saw blood all over Yanna's back from the Dudes and Twinks. Then they saw it on Lady Syrenna and most on Ivanova. The Emperor took off his plastic raincoat and showed the blood on it.

"I'm clean underneath!" He said happily.

They ran down to the pond first and took a wash in the warm water. The Emperor sat quietly on the dock with his feet in the water, telling them a story.

"My old sailor friend Basil used to tell me all the time of how he lived on an island like this, a long time ago. He's working in the city now with his sister and cousin. I wonder if it is even the same island? There wasn't any cheese then... all eaten by the cousin. Don't you remember this story?"

Lady Syrenna nodded. The Emperor had told it to her over tea some days ago.

Their momentary break was broken when, in the distance, they heard rustling and some cheering. They looked up from the fern bushes and saw cheese people dancing and waving the bodies of the dead Twinks about!

"Well," Syrenna said, "Isn't that lovely..."

They dried off and then headed down to the village.

"Should we try the subtle approach?" Yanna asked.

Ivanova and the Emperor shrugged and then walked straight into the village. Everything became quiet as the villagers stared at them.

"So much for subtle..." Syrenna muttered, walking up with Yanna.

"Who are you people? Why have you invaded our island!?" The head Cheese Warrior demanded. The Emperor made a disarming hand gesture as he explained, "We came on the Twink ship to warn you of the pink menace!"

And so they explained their journey from the Silent Island to the Cheese Island, and then about their desire to find the Twink stronghold.

"Alright," the warrior said after the lengthy tale, "We shall help you. This Twink scourge must be purged!"

Now the Emperor was getting sidetracked. The heat was getting to him. Yanna was beginning to tan, her cheeks were flushed with bright red.

"Now, wasn't it the grumpy old head who was the leader of the Twink clan? What happened to him? Did we kill him? I mean, he is the one who knows what they will do on this island..."

The cheese people turned their heads to a forty five degree angle at the four Royalty. The Emperor did the same, asking, "Well?" And he fell to the floor with a heat stroke!

"What the hell!?" Yanna said as the Emperor hit the cheesy sand, "It's not that hot!"

"It actually is pretty damn hot," Syrenna answered as she shaded her eyes to look up at the sky.

Yanna turned to Ivanova, asking, "How come you haven't keeled over? Ever since the warm weather came in, you've done nothing but complain about being too hot!"

Ivanova smiled and opened up her long flowing black jacket. There seemed to be tubes running along the inside of it.

"They're full of ice water! This little baby keeps me at a nice, cool temperature!"

"We better get him into the shade then, or else he might become a grilled cheese Emperor!" Syrenna said, nudging him with her foot. The others laughed at that as they pulled the Emperor towards a shady cheddar palm.

Emperor Beluga was having such a wonderful dream. He was back inside his lovely home, and it was nice and cool. Suddenly he was awakened by something very cold and wet splashing over his face. He jerked up and saw Ivanova standing over him with a bucket. She was in an absolute fit of giggles.

"YOU FUCK!!!" The Emperor yelled at her.

"Sorry," she managed through her laughing, "But we needed you awake!"

"Why, what the hell is going on now?" The Emperor said. "You know how hard it is for me to get dreams, even less remember them!"

"From the looks of it, they are agreeing with us. The cheese clan trusts us now." Syrenna went on, "I gave them a bunch of cheese seeds to make all the different kinds of cheese trees they want as a token of friendship."

"A bribe, I say!" The Emperor laughed. "Well, then what's going to happen when those Cheese Warriors come back? And the Twinks? Did you tell them about all that? I don't remember what I was saying earlier before I expired from the heat. I don't know what I'm asking now."

Ivanova got up off the sand and coughed to stop laughing.

"Ahem, well, we're going to be given an escort back to our Island by the Cheese Warriors. They just left to get their boats and whatnot. We'll then mount an attack on wherever the Twinks came from, and if we have enough time, then we can go to that Cyprus place or whatever and free it from the Orgs."

"I see," the Emperor said, placing his finger to his chin, "We can kill two birds with one stone that way, and get that crazy Quirky and her Lover back on their island!"

"Yeah! And I've been raising an army on another island called Gaia! We will have plenty of help from them!" Ivanova said, before she slammed the bucket she was still carrying down on the Emperor's head. He leapt up and screamed "FUCK!!" inside the bucket before ripping it off and chasing after a madly giggling Ivanova.

"We're all gonna die, aren't we?" Yanna asked Syrenna as they watched the two other Royalties running about like crazy people.

"Probably..."

And just then, the Emperor's face split apart and out came a rifle from the crack on his forehead. It blew hot steam everywhere. He took it and aimed high, and shot Ivanova's ass. There was a shrill scream that gradually came lower to the shore of the island...

"I guess the war's begun." Yanna declared.

Lady Syrenna then blinked. "Oh so.. why did the Twinks come here in the first place?"

A cheese man that smelled of cheese came up to her and whispered, "Well my forest nincompoop, they are invaders, they have been trying to invade our home for years, and they will no doubt invade this Cyprus, and your own island too, capisce?"

Lady Syrenna nodded and smiled. Then she thought aloud, "That's kind of crazy! What sort of Twinks are smart enough to invade a land! They're so stupid!"

Cheese Man went up to her again and whispered softly, "They have the aid of the Orgs."

Lady Syrenna again nodded and smiled. She replied, "I see now. The sea is clear. I can smell the air."

That's when she coughed to the stink of the cheese man and fell over.

Just after the beginning of sunset, boats were off onto the seas and the Royalties found themselves behind a giant wave of sparkling water (like the Oceanwave logo, the drink) and with binoculars, they saw to the side of it laid the tacky pink ship that stored all the Twinks.

Ivanova cackled, "I smell blood! Fee fi fo fum! Let's go kill a dum dum!"

The rest of the Royalties turned around to her strangely.

"What?!"

Then they saw that Ivanova's ass had closed up the hole with ice. Inside her was made of cold ice and it froze it shut.

"Hmm..." They said with astonishment.

"WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY ASS?!" Ivanova screamed, wrapping her coat tightly around herself.

"You're made of ice?" Syrenna asked.

"Well, kinda. I'm made of flesh and bone, but when I heal myself the wound looks like ice. And my blood is silver..."

"Wait, how can you have silver blood? Silver is for pure things!" Yanna asked.

Ivanova shrugged "Well, I am pure. Pure darkness. Don't tell me you haven't figured out who I really am yet?" She asked them.

They all shook their heads side to side.

Ivanova stomped her foot down and growled, "I'm Darkness Incarnate, duh! Jeeze, you people!"

"Okay, so you're the darkness or whatever! Now when will that army of yours be ready? And how did you raise an army at the same time when you're here?" The Emperor asked.

"Had a... friend of mine do it for me. He was at Gaia while I was here. And it should be ready soon."

"Well, all we can do now is wait and prepare for the final battle then," Syrenna said as she settled down to take a quick nap before they reached the Island. Just then, Yanna spotted a Twink Ship on the horizon.

"The Twinks are right here! Why not attack them now and have them all drown! I bet they can all surf but can't swim! Hehehe... Ninnies."

She took out her daggers and everyone's faces looked so astonished when a dark cloud started to appear around Yanna. She raised her hands up-

"NOT YET!" Ivanova said. "We should get them all in one blow! What if they phone up more Twinks to get help?"

Yanna yelled, "We'll just kill 'em all then!"

"Good argument," Ivanova said, and she jumped up out of the ship and over the wave and dove right through the Twink's pink ship with her sword!

Yanna began laughing crazily- a hoarse laugh she makes when she can't hold it in anymore. She began to get stomach pains. And when she rose up from the floor her eyes were full of black and she was paler than ever! Veins shot out of her face and she caused a storm and sharp rocks to pop out of the ocean!

"Wow, quiet Yanna," said the Emperor, "I didn't know she had powers like that. Quiet little thing."

"Hmmm..." Syrenna yawned and looked about. Blood soaked Twinks were flying from a hole on the side of the pink ship turning the water a deep red (Ivanova, of course) and Yanna was turning into some sort of possessed psycho, "Are we having a tournament of powers or something? Because we should really save our energy for when all the juicy little Twinks come so that we may have so much more fun! More explosions MORE DEATH AND BLOOD BLOOD BLOOOOOD!!!"

The others looked at her oddly. The Emperor slowly backed away and sat nearer to Yanna.

"Oh, sorry, I just had a very nice daydream," Syrenna explained as she began laughing evilly to herself. She then paused her laughter, looking thoughtful, "Umm, I thought that the pink ship was on its way to the Twink headquarters. Hey, come to think of it, did not that head in the jar look like that warden weirdo - that Wardoh! - from Reality? Do you suppose... the Twinks are from REALITY?!?"

"I don't know, perhaps they aren't happy with simply ruining everything for the Reality folk, and must now try it here too?" Growled Yanna in her convulsing.

"That's right!" The Emperor yelled with a squeak in his voice. They all began to worry.

"Hurry Ivanova and Yanna! Kill those Twinks there and find that phone inside the main room of the pink ship!!"

"That has to be the way to find the connection to Reality. That's where they all must be coming from!" Lady Syrenna said.

Ivanova stopped in mid-air. "Alright!" She yelled out and flew back to the ship to get Yanna. She positioned her just above the ship and Yanna, still convulsing from her dark powers, shook and shot out long silver nails from her fingertips.

They shot through the main deck and took hold of the phone, impaling it by her nails.

"They must be magnetic then," Ivanova said. Yanna was beginning to get weaker from too much usage of power and Ivanova had no time to bring her back down so she threw her into the sea for safekeeping (though there was a storm at the moment).

And Ivanova took out her flame-thrower and caused a giant sphere to shoot out that destroyed the pink ship into millions of tiny bits... there was no trace of it at all.

"We still have that head, right?" Ivanova asked with a tone of fear in her voice. Being so caught up with happy killing, she was momentarily addled.

"Hmm, I'm pretty sure it escaped," Syrenna said. "Let's get back to the Island as quickly as possible so we can rest in our dwellings and make up plans during tea time."

"But I want to kill some more!" Yanna whined, pulling herself up onto the boat where Lady Syrenna and the Emperor were. Syrenna grinned a big evil grin, saying, "Oh we will, Yanna... we WILL!!!"

"Here, grab some harpoons and knives. Let's just play pin the tail on the donk- I mean, Twink!" The Emperor said, stabbing a Twink who survived Yanna and Ivanova's onslaught.

"Almost done," Ivanova said, landing on the deck to help finish killing the Twinks.

"Now we've got the telephone. Let's make a call to the head..." The Emperor said.

"He he he, head!" Syrenna giggled, "And don't you dare say anything about that stupid mushroom thingy, Ivanova!" She warned.

However, at the sound of "head" and "mushroom," Ivanova began to giggle and howl.

Syrenna went beet red. "You and yer damn laugh!" She growled.

The Emperor danced gently to the cry of a violin in his mind. Sway, sway he went in a grieving motion. "Now what is this mushroom story I keep hearing about?" He asked, for Ivanova had been bothering Syrenna about mushrooms for quite a while now, and he was curious as to why it was so funny.

"The mushroom!" Syrenna laughed, "Well, are you sure you want to know?" She asked, straightening her dress and stroking the hilt of her sword.

The Emperor nodded his head eagerly.

"Well, if you must know, in one of the Reality dreams, Yanna, Ivanova and I were sitting nicely at our art table at the back of the class in the Reality world, where only the best art students sit, when all of a sudden Ivanova points out that on the counter by the wall is a rather suggestively shaped clay mushroom, a red and flesh coloured mushroom. And knowing Ivanova, you can imagine what she thought. She said something about how odd it was and how it would get stuck!"

"Ho ho!" Cried Emperor Beluga. "Now, I bet you that it was definitely curvy. Was it like an ass? The top it could, with such ridges! Or it may be something else, ha ha, for a mushroom HAS a STEM! Now doesn't it? Now doesn't it? Oh, I bet how delicious and tasty you girls thought that was! Oh yes oh yes oh yes! Just filled with juicy goodness!" He laughed.

"Such nastiness, Beluga!!" Syrenna screamed, "It is like a "banana," except with a rather flat top part that kinda sticks out! Nastiness!!" She was shocked with undying laughter.

"OH!!" Beluga laughed, "I get it now!! I see it. Blah, what a ghastly picture! The mushroom head is the thing's actual "HEAD HEAD"!"

"Well, it kinda looks like a pink fat stick with a hat on!" Syrenna added, "You know, one of those kinds that the old ladies wear!"

"A sort of umbrella hat?" He asked, shuddering at the thought. Ivanova and Yanna were laughing still about "bananas" and "mushrooms."

"You know," Ivanova said, once her giggling subsided, "Perhaps it would just be easier to go straight to Cyprus, kill the Twinks there, and then return to the Island? I can call the army from there, since either Yanna or those waves killed those cheese warriors." She added, pointing out at the empty sea.

"Or the cowardly bastards ran out on us!" Syrenna growled.

"It's not such a loss, then." Yanna muttered, settling down against the hull of the boat, "They were making me sick with their cheesy smell."

The others agreed with her there.

"Well, midnight's come," The Emperor said, glancing at a fancy, golden antique pocket watch, "I'm going to take a sleep. See you in the day, when we are surely to arrive at Cyprus! Perhaps we can summon that Queen Maris to be used as a navigator?" He wondered out loud before he sat down against the mast and closed his eyes.

"Well, have a good sleep. I'll try to keep Ivanova from throwing sea water on you again!" Syrenna laughed. She then looked up into the night sky, up into the constellations. She wondered who else was staring at the same ones. Maybe someone in her birthplace of Ireland, near to the haunted castle where the ghosts keep making moaning sounds, a play place of her youth. Oh, how she would so love to return...

Yanna had quickly been able to fall asleep, exhausted from going all black and veiny on the Twink ship, but Ivanova was still awake. She too was staring at the stars, smiling a small smile as she remembered things past. After locking the rudder in the direction of Cyprus (the Cheese Warriors had helpfully given them a chart of all the islands in the sea before Yanna had accidentally killed them) she joined the rest of them in sleep and dreamed dreams of mayhem and slaughter.

Dawn rose from the sky. Interestingly, there was a small glowing sphere just above the mountain silhouettes in the distance. The sky was still dark.

Then water droplets fell from the sky. Still light. And flashes of light shot from beneath the clouds.

"What is that over there?" Emperor Beluga asked.

"I think it's Cyprus." Lady Syrenna answered.

"Oh, so we've arrived! I guess the war will be almost over." Ivanova yelled out, "Is that the sun?" She added with a whimper.

"Who knows..." Muttered Yanna quietly.

And the ship closed in on the island and there seemed to be noise coming from over the top of the mountains. All behind there sprang out light and loud sounds, music almost. With the clanging of metal objects.

What could possibly be happening? Was the war already begun?

"Should I send for the army?" Ivanova asked as they approached the noisy island.

The Emperor shook his head, "No, let's not let the enemy know we have a backup plan. The element of surprise and all..."

They approached the island in silence, each thinking their own thoughts on how the battle would end. Would they be forced to go to Reality? That most disgusting and noisy of places?

"Why did they kill Anya?" Ivanova said, suddenly changing the subject to the final episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Everyone stared at her.

"What?" Yanna said, glaring.

"Well, why did they kill her? Anya kicked ass! I wanted that Andrew guy to die! He pisses me off!"

"Well, it's a show, so I don't think it really matters..." Syrenna said.

Ivanova growled something that sounded like "stupid writers," and then folded her arms and glared at the approaching island.

"We must watch out in case we get trapped by these dark Reality goons. If we get sucked into the media hype and life of the so-called Reality, we might as well be doomed." Warned Yanna. She said it so softly and in the lowest voice that everyone turned around and shivered. They then smiled, taking out their knives and docking the boat just below the silhouette of a coconut tree.

"Hey, that's not a coconut tree," said the Emperor Beluga, "It's made of yarn! Those balls up there are balls of yarn!"

"Oh yes, Queen Quirky is a homemaker, isn't she?" Ivanova asked.

"Like Martha Stewart!" Yelled Emperor Beluga. "She's my hero!"

Everyone gasped.

"You shouldn't say things like that either!" Lady Syrenna warned, "You will be sucked into the vacuous holes of Reality!"

They didn't realize exactly how dangerous it really was. It was very tempting to live a meaningless life.

And they walked up the grassy hill, covered in rose Eiffel towers. "An actual flower," Emperor Beluga explained, "Its stem grows into something like that looks like the Eiffel tower. Martha Stewart made it one day."

"Gah! We're losing him!" Ivanova said as she slapped the Emperor across the face.

He made fists with his hands and began to tremble with rage for a moment before yelling "FUCK!!" in a kind of hissing voice and launching himself at Ivanova.

Syrenna summoned vines and trapped the Emperor before he could hurt anyone.

"Martha is bad! She will lead you to live a life of compulsive buying and homemaking!" She warned.

"Yes, and look, I made a hand puppet!" Ivanova said, her middle finger rising in the air.

The Emperor struggled against the vines, trying in vain to free himself and cause murder.

"Should we leave him there till he cools off?" Yanna asked.

Syrenna shrugged, "I don't think so. His violent actions may be useful against the Twinks and what not!"

And so with all the noise, they roused the group of guards that were just right on top of the hill and they came running down with spears.

"He's in no good condition to fight someone with spears. He will certainly impale himself on to one," Yanna said and she giggled lightly.

Everyone froze looking at her. That giggle was a very un-Yanna-like sound! Then snapped out and began defending themselves amongst the ten guards.

"They really are stupid if all of them just attack us and leave the doors unguarded!" Said Lady Syrenna. She said it loudly too, but the guards didn't hear. Then one guard jabbed its fist into her bottom jaw and she flew backwards!

"What the?!" She yelled out. It wasn't even a Twink! It was an Org! Twice the size of a Twink, and twice its strength!

Yanna, the calm one, took Emperor Beluga and threw him up the steps. She dragged him quietly through the doors and just below everyone's eyes who were dancing and playing music inside...

Yanna said, "Gah! writhing bodies! Hee hee, it reminds me of the Matrix movie! Like a sinful ancient Egypt!"

And there, her eyes bulged and she fell forward, throwing Emperor Beluga to a vat of cold water. He woke up. Yanna was beginning to fall into the temptation of Reality as well.

"Call your silent army!" Yelled the Emperor to Ivanova through the open door, "Everything's getting out of hand now! everyone's falling to it!"

Ivanova heard the Emperor's call, so she reached out with her mind to her friend in Gaia, telling him to send the army to the Island to pick up the rest of the Islanders. They were going to need backup...

Just then, a fist flew at her face and smashed her into a wall! Ivanova sat there, slightly stunned, and her nose hurting like a bitch! She began to see red... now they had really pissed her off! Syrenna was in a right state of piss as well, and she was screaming and killing things very quickly! Ivanova stood up and took out her gun, and then she began to run around, screaming and shooting and slashing!

"Do you think she heard?" Yanna asked, trying to resist the temptation to join the madly writhing throng below. The Emperor was sitting on his toes, rocking back and forth with his arms wrapped tightly around his knees.

"Make it stop! It wants me to join them!" He muttered, looking quite insane.

The music was so loud and danceable, the two Magical Royalties felt themselves being pulled towards it.

"No! We must resist!" Yanna yelled, clamping her hands over her ears. Being as distracted as they were, they failed to notice the two guards sneaking up on them...

But they were inadvertently saved by the pull of the music! They took one giant leap to join the dance of "I'm a Slave 4 U" by Britney Spears, background music, and were missed by half an inch by the giant cudgel that a guard had. They turned, started by the noise, and were shocked to see the Org guards! They ran farther into the wet crowds... deeper and deeper. And soon they found a telephone that looked just like the telephone they had stolen from the Twink ship.

Yanna picked it up and saw on the dial-up that there were many buttons. One button that had a picture of what their phone looked like. It also said "Twink" on it. She pressed it and heard ringing...

Someone picked it up.

"Hello?"

It sounded like a nerdy lamb. Yanna answered, "Who's this?"

"Spongebob."

"Oh wow, Spongebob?"

"Yeah!" He said, giggling like a sheep, "Wanna talk to Sandy?"

"No thanks. Oh, umm, we're at Cyprus and the rest of us are stuck fighting. Call up Ivanova's Silent Army and ask them to come here."

"Bahahahaha, alright!"

Spongebob hung up. He had no idea who this "Ivanova" and what the "Silent Army" was, but the Twink ship they had commandeered from Cheese Island had changed course on its own, now headed straight for the island of Cyprus...

Meanwhile, Yanna looked at the rest of the buttons to try to keep herself from being tempted by the Twinkish music which was now playing the Thong Song by some perverted horny guy. She looked at the pictures on the buttons. One had a picture of a surfboard.

"Hmmm, If those dudes weren't from this island, then how come there is a line going to them?" Yanna asked, scratching her chin. Another had a picture of a neon orange Speedo on it.

"WOW! It is accurately detailed too! I can imagine where this line goes..." The Emperor said, raising an eyebrow. He was going insane to the music. He was sweating buckets and clenching his teeth. He twiddled his thumbs but it didn't help much. He began to hum!

Yanna paid no attention, as she was far too interested in the button that had a picture of a flesh and red coloured mushroom.

"I wonder if this is a restaurant? I am so very hungry. Are you, Emperor?" She asked, looking down. He was in the fetal position rocking back and forth again, muttering incomprehensible words.

Yanna shrugged and looked back to the button. She pressed it! It rang for a few seconds before a deep, hot and sexy male voice answered, with slow, kinky music playing in the background.

"Hello, you have reached the twenty four hour HOT SEX HOT LINE! Where you can have phone sex all you like. We also deliver, if you know what I mean! Rufus, speaking, how may I hump.. uhh... HELP you?"

Yanna was as pale as she could get. Then she burst out laughing until she couldn't laugh any longer. When she finally calmed she spoke.

"Yeah, uhh... Hi Rufus. I'm Yan-" she paused, deciding to play along. "I'm Yannoya Whantme," there was a weird sound of slurping and slapping on the other end. Yanna was having a hard time controlling her laughing. "Hey, Emperor, listen to this!"

She looked but the Emperor was gone! She hung up the phone and looked around. She spotted him. He was the one yelling 'Give it to me baby... uh huh...' as loudly as he could above all the rest of the wriggling people. He was jumping around like a mad man!

Outside, Syrenna rubbed her aching jaw. What the hell was with all these things punching her in the face?! She got up off the hard ground and glared with intense rage. She didn't even bother to use her sword. She ran at the filthy beast who punched her and drove her tense fist into his messed up face. He flew back and broke a tree in half as he hit it. Blood spewed out all over. She brought up her sword and she and Ivanova stood in the middle of a circle of Orgs.

"Ready?" Ivanova asked.

Syrenna smiled. "Yup! " She answered.

And, seeing as how there were so many things like the Matrix on this island of Cyprus, they jumped into the air and spun, slicing and kicking Orgs to pieces as they did.

Back in the cave, the Emperor had almost succumbed to the pulsing music, but Yanna rushed up just in time to knock some sense into his silly head (with her iron tonfa).

"You stop that right now!" She commanded. She was just about to turn her attention back to finding help when she noticed Syrenna and Ivanova jumping around slicing and punching the Orgs at the entrance to the cave.

"Hey Beluga!" she said, "Make yourself of use and go assist them!"

The Emperor got a silly little grin on his face and leaped around slicing and hacking (reminding Yanna very much of Yoda).

Then the Emperor began to jump even more wildly, and he took out his long whip and began lashing at the Orgs. He danced as he did this so the Twinks would not notice that he was trying to kill them.

Mm, sneaky Emperor Beluga...

Ivanova and Lady Syrenna began making their way into the giant fest of writhing bodies and began dancing as well, killing at the same time. But Ivanova, getting hit by a girl with blonde hair, got reminded of ANYA from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

And she began to curse loudly, saying that Anya should have been spared and Andrew and whoever else unimportant DEAD. And she was mad mad mad...

"Oh no! She's beginning to be crazy and falling into the magic of Reality as well!" Syrenna called out.

And just then, Lady Syrenna got hit by a curly-haired person... she looked up with blurred eyes. They went round and round... the faces. And she thought it was Frodo from Lord of the Rings! She began to yell loudly as well! Screaming and jumping up and down like a little teenage fanatic of Elijah Wood!

Yanna stood there, silent, watching the Royalties go nutty. Only the Emperor stayed awake that time... until he saw a dark haired, almost gothic Twink. His melancholy heart could only see Lydia Deets. He was enraptured...

Yanna didn't know what to do and soon the Twinks began to notice what was going on, and they started crowding around the Royalties. She tried to defend her friends, but Surfer Dude with a sexy facial scar advanced with a rope.

"Tommy Flanagan?!" She muttered with a goofy smile on her face, succumbing to the madness of Reality as well.

Tying the Islanders up, the Twinks dragged them to an opening higher up in the room, tying them on a long cylindrical metal object extending over the hot steamy red bubbling lava that lay below.

The heat from the lava snapped Yanna out of her infatuation, and she decided it was time to bring out the heavy artillery. She became very very angry! The room got dark, the speakers blew out, the Twinks (terrified) began to scream and run around in circles.

Then the walls began to drip with mercury and fire consumed the walls and roof. The stupid, panic-stricken Twinks started running into each other and falling all over. There was complete pandemonium. The other Royalties, while glad of the Twinks' demise, were a little uneasy about Yanna's scariness.

Then Ivanova piped up, "Holy shit! That was fuckin' sweet!"

She had returned to her normal psychopathic self! Using a controlled burst of flame, she cut the ropes that were binding her and the others to the pole over the lava. She caught the Emperor and Syrenna before they fell in and flew them over to the ground floor, now clear of Twinks. Yanna floated along on her great, bat-like wings, giggling and playing with the mercury.

"Well," Syrenna said, "It looks as though we didn't need the army after all!"

They all laughed, surrounded by the dead bodies of the Twinks, but then the bushes moved outside.

The four Royalties looked around but saw nothing.

"Who's in the bushes, Syrenna?" Yanna asked as she formed a ball of mercury in her hands.

Syrenna used her earth senses to find out where and how many intruders were in the bushes. Her eyes went wide.

"What?" The Emperor asked, tilting his head to the side then wiping of a speck of dirt off one of his highly fashionable boots.

Syrenna clenched her fists then pulled her sword. "ORGS! There's about, well, there's an army of them!" She smiled. "It's ass-kicking time!"

The other Royalties pulled their weapons and put their powers on high alert. Ivanova pulled a big bazooka, five Tommy guns, six pistols, ten grenades, two shotguns, eleven rifles, thirteen automatics, and one little knife all out of her back pocket. The others looked at her.

"What? The knife is for effect!" She said, putting it between her teeth and snarling.

"Breaking out the heavy artillery I see, Ivanova?" Yanna asked.

"Oh no, this is just the warning artillery. The heavy artillery is in my other pocket!"

The others smiled.

"Figures!" The Emperor laughed.

The Orgs popped out and came at them in a hoard of snarling and growling. The four stood back to back to back to back in the middle of the huge circle. IT WAS MATRIX TIME!

Yanna smiled. No more "special effects." This was going to be fun! The Royalties prepared themselves for the attack.

The Orgs paused for a brief second, then lunged forward. The first line was cut down instantly by Ivanova's weaponry. The second was trapped by Syrenna's vines, then crushed into the ground by an avalanche of boulders. The Royalties then had a great time as they jumped and flew around cutting, hacking, smashing, kicking, and obliterating the Orgs with their weapons and powers. They seemed to have the upper hand, but then they noticed, standing off to the side, a big group of evil, ugly Twink Wannabes!!

And oh how badly they smelled! They were twice the size of the Twinks, twice the power, twice the skank, and twice the bi-atch!!

At first, the Royalties were too disgusted to advance and attack, but they decided that the Wannabes were another load of bodies to kill, and that eased their pain. They put on gas masks and armed themselves with armour that had spikes protruding from the surface.

They lunged themselves on to the Wannabes, who screamed with pain. Then a second row attacked, and they were even bigger than ever. These were the ones who had trouble losing weight, therefore became extra skanky, being unable to turn into a twig skank...

Snobs they were.

So the Royalties took out their guns and began shooting them, but their blubber absorbed everything and soon the Royalties began to panic.

But thankfully, the newly arrived Spongebob came to the rescue! Being unable to be squished by the Wannabes, his porous body began sucking their sweat and fat and he began shooting them with their own evil juices.

Then Ivanova's Silent Army landed down from helicopters and began shooting bullets in all directions.

"There's no point in staying here!" They called out.

"I think this island has been too corrupted. Perhaps we shall just find a new island for Queen Quirky. Where is Queen Quirky anyway?" The Royalties called out to the spies and soldiers sitting up in the helicopter.

"She was here a moment ago?" One of the soldiers said, looking around.

"That runaway slacker..." Another muttered.

There was a whispering yell coming from a tall jagged mountain cliff. The Royalties looked up, way up, and saw something moving in the darkness. It appeared to have curly hair. It was a person, and there was another person up there with it.

"Oh! Maybe it's Frodo!" Syrenna said, all happy. The others looked at her as though she was crazy.

"What? There is such a place where Hobbits and wizards live, you know. One day we all shall visit it and then you'll see!"

Yanna shook her head and the other two crossed their arms.

"Frodo?!" Yanna lamented "If we absolutely HAVE to humour these stupid, nonexistent characters, it could be someone hot with a cool personality like Legolas. But NO, it has to be silly, irritating little boys like Frodo!"

Everyone else just ignored her, for Yanna often had annoying little fits of meanness where she would insult things the others liked.

They then walked up to the foot of the cliff while bombs and Twinks exploded everywhere in the background.

"How are we supposed to all get up there?" Yanna asked. Syrenna raised her arms up towards the ledge of moss at the top of the cliff. Four vines sprouted then fell down to them. Syrenna grabbed one.

"Hang on tight!" She said, then she tugged the vine and it began to pull her to the top. The others did the same.

So up they went on the vines. Wannabes were scrambling up the cliff face, using their press-on nails to climb. Soon they reached the top, but there was no sign of the curly-haired thing.

Syrenna sighed, "No Frodo today..." while the others looked at her like she was insane.

Ivanova then got a big evil grin on, saying, "You so wanted to have that little Hobbit's mushroom, didn't you?"

Yanna and the Emperor laughed and laughed and Syrenna blushed, probably thinking that she did want that mushroom.

"Well, let us look around and see if we can find this curly haired person..." The Emperor said.

"And their mushroom!" Yanna added, earning a Death Glare™ from Syrenna.

They could hear rocks shaking to the side of the cliff, fingernails scratching on the rough surface, and stones falling to the jagged and sharp bottom.

Ivanova had the most wonderful idea. She giggled, then the Royalties soon knew what she was going to do.

"It's that cackle again," Yanna said.

Then Emperor Beluga began to laugh loudly as well.

"Have fun, oy!" He yelled out and they grabbed a big rock and threw it down the side, smashing into the Wannabes' faces and plummeting them down into the ground. What a loud crash it was!

"Don't you think it's time you come back to the Island? It appears they have sent more Twinks. And more are coming to the Island. We don't know what to do... but we know that they must die. We don't know how to stop the mass-breeding." Shouted the man who sat in the cockpit of the helicopter flying above them.

The Royalties were about to reply when all of a sudden rustling came from behind the bush...

"Hey, curly hair!" Yelled Lady Syrenna.

"Hehe, it may not be curly hair that of a head of a person! Head that is above the neck, anyways!" Giggled the Emperor Beluga. Yanna and Ivanova joined the Emperor in his giggles. Syrenna blushed again.

They all stifled their giggles as Ivanova grabbed a nearby stick. No way was she going to stick her hand in a bush and grab somebody's head... or their other "head!"

She began poking the bush, and then it surprised them all by squeaking!

"What the hell?!?" Yanna yelled, kicking the bush. Then the bush yelled and two people popped out of it!

"Queen Quirky and her Lover!" The four Magical Royalties said.

"And what were you two doing there... on the ground... in a bush?" Ivanova asked, her patented evil grin plastered across her face. Queen Quirky and her Lover scowled.

"For your information, we were hiding from the Twinks!" Quirky growled.

Ivanova and the Emperor giggled.

"Well, we have to get off this island," Syrenna said, "This place seems to be the headquarters for the Twinks!"

"That's right! And headquarters for the Orgs!" Yelled out the Emperor Beluga.

"But more of them are coming! They seem to be coming from somewhere, but maybe not from the Island? More of them are coming!" Cried the man in the helicopter.

The Emperor was going to say something when he looked down and said, "Say, now what are you two doing without clothes?"

And he blinked and screamed and closed his eyes shut with his hands! Scream scream scream, went the girls, went the girls...

(The man in the helicopter fell out of his seat, and the helicopter crashed and caused a big explosion right where the party was... killing everyone down there. Sandy grabbed Spongebob by the hand and quickly dragged him out to sea. She'd had enough of all this violence!)

Ivanova danced up and down. "Yay! Blood Death Destruction!! Woo!" she yelled, distracted from the nudity of Quirky and her Lover. Violence was one of Ivanova's favourite things!

"So, how are we to find the Twink mating ground?" Syrenna asked, turning away from the two nude Royals, who were hastily scrambling into their clothes.

Yanna shrugged, also looking away, "Anywhere can be the Twink mating ground. They don't care where they do it, so long as they're doing it!"

Ivanova stopped dancing and pulled one of the soldiers towards the others. "I think I may have solved the problem! This is Madder, the Deceiver, and he's going to spy on the Twinks for us!" She said.

Madder looked a little nervous. "I never thought the Twinks were going to be THAT scary!" He admitted.

The Emperor patted his head, saying, "Never fear, the Twinks may be scary, but they are stupid! They will never see through you!"

Madder looked at the Emperor and gave a sigh of relief. Then, looking back at the mass of blood and scariness, he began to wonder how in the world was he going to spy on the Twinks.

"How in the world am I going to spy on them?" He asked aloud in a somewhat exasperated tone of voice, "Though my mimicking and sneaking skills are well developed, I'm not quite sure how I should go about doing this. The Twinks are so repulsive, I might have trouble concentrating and... there isn't anywhere to start!"

He looked around the group, embarrassed at his own insecurity, but nonetheless, willing to take advice.

"Well, here's a suggestion, Mr. Madder," Syrenna said, putting an arm around his shoulder, "You could befriend them... dress and talk like them... we can help you with the funny accents and the Emperor can outfit you in some garments. You could become their leader. It's not too hard, seeing how stupid they are. Then you can go with them to their home and tell us so we may come with the army and mass tons of explosives and what not! Hehehe..." She folded her arms and peeked over the side of the cliff at the destruction below, "Nice, very nice... although the poor trees are now in splinters..."

Madder shook visibly at the thought, but nodded his head in agreement.

"Though I think it would be easier to seduce one of them and follow back home." He said, glancing over the cliff himself, "The clothing is not any problem..." He added, turning so that his back was to the sun, "I can just have my shadow get me some." He kicked his shadow and requested a disguise. A small, pale hand crept out of the shadow and handed him what he needed.

With the words, "For the Royalties, especially my Emperor Beluga, and the Island!" He went behind a tree and got to work.

When he came out again, he was in a tight mini skirt and enough makeup to hide his (not really) manly features.

"Ha ha ha..." He said in a wavering tone of voice, "I didn't think I could pass myself off as a Surfer DUDE with my stick figure like... figure."

The Royalties gave him a strong stare.

"Well," Ivanova said, recovering from the shock, "It should be fairly simple for you to infiltrate them now. Just remember, they like sex, so if you make suggestive comments then you'll be sure to get in easy!"

"Yeah, and remember to mention mushrooms and bananas and PHD's!" Yanna said before she and Ivanova burst into giggles and Syrenna began to blush.

"What's with them?" Madder asked the Emperor.

"Bananas and mushrooms kinda look like," he looked down, "You know... and PHD is short for 'Pretty Huge...' I'm sure you can figure out the rest..."

"Right..."

They went down the steep grassy hills that sloped up and down. They headed for where the light ceased and the cold weather began to rise.

"You know how they like it dark and secret," Ivanova said laughing to herself.

After arriving, the sounds of squishing and yelling came about. The Emperor's eyes bulged like mad. He dropped to the ground and the rest crouched, peeking over a mulberry bush. Ivanova pushed Madder in and "she" was taken so quickly by a Dude.

"Are we to follow the Twinks and Madder, or are we to go home and wait for a sign?" Syrenna asked, whispering. She glanced at a purple flower. With her earth powers, she made it bloom yellow and blue buds then sprout into a poisonous looking spear thorned flower, "Well?"

"Egads!" Thought Madder as he grinded with a Surfer Dude. He shivered.

"There wasn't any talk of a plan!" He thought. He was getting uneasy, talking about bananas and mushrooms and PHDs with this tall, muscular, Surfer Dude.

"Hey, do you like, want to do something?" The Dude asked, startling him out of his frantic thoughts.

"Like, what?"

"Like, you know..."

"Like stuff? Like, now?"

"Like, sure!"

"Okay, but not like, here. Let's like, got back to like, you know..."

"Like sure!"

So they made their way, away from the rest of the ugly grinding and dancing...

"DEAR GOD SEND HELP!" Thought Madder frantically, looking over to where he knew the Islanders were hiding...

"Hehehe, it appears that Madder has found a friend!" Syrenna giggled.

Ivanova elbowed her. "Stop that, they'll hear. Let's get back to the Silent Island and conjure the rest of the awaiting army. We must inform them," she giggled evilly, "I wonder what sort of sign Madder will send once he is at the headquarters?" She giggled some more in thought.

"I hope it isn't a damn banana or mushroom! I'm getting so sick of hearing about them!" Yanna complained as Ivanova broke out laughing, nearly attracting the rest of the Twinks. But they were too busy wondering where their new "play toy" had gone.

The Royalties crept away to the shorelines of the Island of Cyprus, pulling Quirky and her Lover with them (it seemed the pair had been brought along by the Army rather than coming of their own volition). They saw a fair-sized boat tied to a tree (imagine their luck!) so they all hopped in and pushed it out to sea. They bobbed up and down for some hours, going as slow as can be. Queen Quirky dragged her hand in the water behind the boat. She pulled it out and shook it dry. Water droplets flew all over, hitting Ivanova in the eye.

"FUCK YOU!!!" She screamed and rose up out of her seat. Queen Quirky giggled a very queen-like giggle.

"Pish posh!" she said, flapping her hand. "You wouldn't really kill me, would you?"

Ivanova smiled, grasping a large knife. Just then the boat hit something, causing Ivanova to fall back into her seat. It was three belugas. It appeared that the Emperor called the belugas when they were not looking to help pull the boat along. Indeed they were going much faster now.

"What the hell? Queen Quirky! You got my feet wet!" Yanna yelled. Quirky looked confused. "No, I didn't, my hands weren't in the water! That time..."

Ivanova smiled, "Then where were they?" She laughed. Quirky glared and her Lover shrugged.

"WE'RE SINKING!" The Emperor screamed, returning their attention to the water that was now engulfing the floor.

Syrenna looked around. She saw a twig in Quirky's hair that must have been from the bushes she was "hiding" behind. She grabbed it and threw it in the water at their feet. Using her magic she made it grow until it was a large tangled mass. It took root in the hole, sealing it tight. They all then began draining the boat.

"Are we home yet?" Yanna asked. The others ignored her.

"Hey hey, Did my belugas do that?" The Emperor said, looking at the wreck. "No way, man! Belugas rock."

"No no," Syrenna said, "The boat must have already had a hole in it, it wasn't the belugas. That must be why it was abandoned on the shore. The hole gradually got bigger and we didn't see it..."

The Emperor looked back the way they had left, back to Cyprus, and began muttering, "Why did we leave the Madder there? Won't they kill him on that island? Har har. If we kept moving forward we could have found a way to kill the breeding ground. Then no more Twinks, DUH!" And he smacked his head in front of them.

They looked shocked at this, and Lady Syrenna remembered the poisonous flower that she made on that dark hill. She whistled for her eagle Viniveer and told her to bring the flower back to Madder, hastily scribbling a note and whipping out a shell for her eagle friend to deliver:

"If you're in trouble, take the flower out and poke the Twinks with it, they will surely die from the poison - but make sure you kill secretly - and if you're in bigger trouble, take this conch and blow!"

They shortly returned to the Silent Island, though the boat that had gotten them there finally succumbed to the damage Syrenna had patched. Without a boat of their own, they wondered how they would be able to reach Madder when his signal sounded.

"Duh... we have belugas!" The Emperor yelled out, raising his hands. "Well, are we going or not? What are we doing here?"

Ivanova began to yell out "DUMBASS!" over and over. "We're supposed to wait for Madder's signal when he finds the breeding ground of the Twinks!"

The Emperor replied back, yelling "DUMBASS!" over and over. "We had a whole army on Cyprus! Where are they now? How will we summon them? We could have just stayed there and killed all the Twinks we could find!"

"So I guess we came here for nothing." Laughed Yanna. "You people waste a lot of time."

And then, they heard the conch blow very loudly across the sea! Then Maris, Queen of Mermaids, popped up close to the shore.

"Hello, Islanders. May I be of any assistance? You all look mad..."

Syrenna was overjoyed to see Maris again, her friend of long ago. They told her of the situation of the Twinks and that they must get back to the Island of Cyprus.

"I know just the person who may help in this sort of thing!" Said Maris. She raised her hands up to the sky and yelled at the top of her lungs. The other Royalties had to cover their ears. A gust of wind answered with a voice upon it.

"What are you screaming for, big mouth Maris?" It said.

"We Royalties need your help, Queen of the Wind..."

They explained the situation again.

Just then, a funnel of wind fell from the sky and touched the ground. Once all the spinning and twirling of the wind calmed, a lass was left standing there.

"Hi, I don't recognize some of you. My name is Windy McBlow. I'm Queen of the Wind. What I need from you is a boat with sails. If you don't have one I'll see what I can conjure up..."

Ivanova couldn't hold it anymore. She was still in stitches over the name Windy McBlow, even though she had met Windy some time ago. Yanna kicked Ivanova to make her stop it.

They looked all over for a boat with sails but found none. So they decided to make one.

Syrenna summoned a very large leaf and made it as strong as a sail. Yanna and Ivanova had fun hacking down some trees for logs to make the hull of their boat (Syrenna had the trees regrown afterwards). The Emperor was busy with making the ropes to tie the logs together. Queen Quirky and her Lover assembled the logs in the right position while the ropes were tied in place. Maris brought up, from deep below the ocean's surface, some thick sticky mud to patch the holes. The sail was placed and it was afloat!

After quickly running back to their homes to refill their combat supplies for the war to come, they all boarded. Windy took a deep breath and blew hard. The funnel of wind surrounded her again and the little boat rocketed out onto the sea...

"Oh hehe... so yay! The boat actually works!" The Emperor said. "Now how sad is it that you lot have so many powers. I live by the sea. I don't do anything... much."

And with the Emperor's sinister little giggle ringing in their ears, they made their way back to Cyprus.

"Now do you have a plan, unprepared ones?" Yanna asked as they flew across the waves.

"GO AND KILL!" Ivanova said, cackling.

"Like always," Syrenna answered.

They wielded their weapons already. The Emperor had his bony fingers hold a whip and on his head, a crown gleamed. Lady Syrenna had her magical hands of earth power along with a big long staff (Ivanova laughed at the long staff). Ivanova had a giant silver sword that came to a very small point at the end. And Yanna had a sword as well, in this case, having teeth that shot outwards in different directions. Queen Quirky and Quirky's Lover had two knives... and the bond of love. Disgusting.

And the conch blew harder!

The boat flew to the island of Cyprus in a rush of wind. Maris was hanging on for dear life as the others sat nicely, laughing at the name 'Windy McBlow'.

The wind soon halted and they still shot towards the island, and a pile of sharp jagged ROCKS! They tried frantically to stop the raft but they couldn't. It smashed on the rocks sending the Royalties flying through the air and onto the hot sandy shores. They glared up at the sky. The small head of Windy was seen smiling down at them. Apparently, she heard all the talk about her name. A picture of a giant ass formed in the clouds then was whisked away.

"Did she just moon us?" The Emperor asked, shocked. "I've never been mooned before..."

Ivanova laughed, "Oh, I bet you haven't!"

Meanwhile, Madder was blowing madly on the horn.

They then picked themselves up (Maris' tail became legs) and they followed the sound into another cave opening. But instead of another writhing dance pit, they found themselves in a strange, disorienting hallway. Sound was warped, and the walls would pull at them just as the floor did. They were going someplace strange...

"Oh my gosh, it's not working!" Madder thought to himself, dropping the conch from his lips, "Are they too far away to hear and help me... damn this sucks!"

He was hiding in a rack of clothing, in the Twink breeding ground. A mall! That's right, it was in Reality, and he was scared. He looked around carefully. He had left the seduced Dude near the changing rooms while he had gone to go "like... you know, freshen up."

He spotted the eagle... it was still there... "Good! I can send a message with that thing!!"

He thought for a moment, then crept out, back to the Twink.

"Hey, do you like, have, like, a banana?"

"Like, DUH!"

"No, like, the fruit, you know?"

"Oh, uh yeah, are you going to, like, use it? You know? Down there?" The Dude asked with a big, dumb grin spreading across his face.

"Like... maybe..." Madder gave the Twink wink while trying to hold back the vomit.

Finally emerging from the tunnel, the Islanders clapped their hands over their mouths and noses. The place they had emerged into absolutely STANK! It was so loud, so bright and obnoxious, they all felt a deep dark dread burrow a hole in their stomachs. They could only be in Reality!

Above them came a sharp cry, and something large descended towards them.

"Look ho!" Cried Ivanova, "The eagle is back!"

The Emperor picked up the banana peel that the eagle dropped into his waiting hands and looked at what was written inside:

For the love of everything not Twinkish, please please PLEASE find me now!!! Oh god, it's so horrible... It's a MALL!! I want to die!

~Madder

"Oh, and there is a little map too!" The Emperor added after reading the message. Ivanova cracked a big evil grin, "I wonder why he chose to write the message on a banana peel? Everyone knows that Lady Syrenna likes to eat them herself!"

Syrenna glowed bright red and growled at Ivanova, who collapsed in a fit of giggles.

"Stop that! We have to figure out how to get Madder out of the mall!" Yanna said, kicking the giggling Ivanova. Ivanova leapt up at that and tried to harm Yanna, but Syrenna and the Emperor held her back.

"Save the violence for the mall!" The Emperor yelled as Ivanova struggled and cursed loudly. This seemed to calm her down, so she stopped and merely flipped Yanna the bird.

"What we need is a plan," Syrenna said, "There may be too many of them to kill in one big attack, or they may be scattered about. What we need is some way to round them up!"

"How about using their rap music?" Yanna said, but the others shuddered at the thought of having to listen to (c)rap music.

"I know!" the Emperor shouted, "We can use Bjork music! Twinks don't like Bjork music!"

Ivanova began to laugh again, for she enjoyed Bjork music! "What should we sing?" She asked as they drew ever nearer to the mall.

After a harrowing attempt at crossing the street that separated the Cyprus exit and the large, popular mall, the Emperor whipped up some fancy outfits so no one would suspect them of anything. They waltzed along, stumbling as they went down the wide, crowded halls. There were shops and crying mini Twinks and mini Dudes in weird metal things on wheels.

Syrenna did so hate their awful crying and screaming. She bit her lip and clenched her fists as they passed.

Soon they came to a big store called SONY. Ivanova and the Emperor strode in and found a flat box thing. Ivanova pressed a button that opened a smaller flatter box. The Emperor placed the Bjork music inside and closed it. The music blared out from all directions.

Yanna was overjoyed at the people's hideous expressions so she turned up the volume. As the Royalties danced and jumped around, the mob of awful Twinks drew near.

And they all came with the smell of cheap perfume mixed with their pungent B.O.! It was too hard to stand and the Royalties were chased away, all the way to the top floor of the mall. They knew they were being led to a trap, but there was no other way. They would die if they stood near one of them in a second.

They first ran into the glass elevator on the second floor, following little Emperor Beluga as he ran quickly with his little feet. He waved his hands for them to follow him up the trapdoor that was at the top of the elevator case. They went in and as the Twinks followed into the elevator, they cut off the cables, causing the Twinks to plummet to their deaths!

You'd usually think that with gravity, the Magical Royalty would fall too, but Lady Syrenna used her powers and took the banana peel (which she cherished most) and caused it to enlarge, turning it into a sort of spaceship that had them fly up to the top floor with swift ease.

As they were about to land over the railings, they were caused to fall over and crash to the La Vie En Rose lingerie shop by a person who ran into them. The banana peel was very frail.

Emperor Beluga sat on the floor, cross-legged, mouth and eyes with awe at the scary-looking lingerie specialty store. He became red as well, like Lady Syrenna.

Then they noticed a mannequin that stood in the glass window. She had a weird look in her eyes. Quite the evil like look. She wore a satin white pantyhose with a white bra laced in, well, lace. The Royalties stood there, cocking their heads at the object.

Then Madder grabbed Yanna and shook her, saying, "I JUST CRASHED INTO YOU! Don't you remember? I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR AGES. DID YOU EVEN FIND HELP?"

The others still gawked at the creepy standing lady, and finally Madder knew that they were in a trance. He took the goo that was in the banana peel and chucked it at the mannequin, causing her clothes to become WET AND STICKY!

"Wet t-shirt contest, oh yeah!" Laughed Ivanova, and she wouldn't stop laughing.

Just then, a hole appeared right in between the mannequin's... well... it looked like a door... a door that led directly to the Silent Island of Crow!

"OH NO! They've already got a doorway to our home!" Syrenna cringed, "We can't let the destruction of the trees and earth and the pollution and the many pained souls that infect this place reach our Island! AHHHHH!! Let us be gone! Uhh, Emperor, What are you planning on doing with that mannequin...?"

"What's wrong with us?!" Yelled Yanna, finally losing her temper, "Are we so pathetically simple-minded that anything at all can influence us to stray from our objective here?!? We are the powerful rulers of an amazing island for fucks sake!"

She was distracted by Emperor Beluga and what thoughts he was directing to the mannequin, but then she delivered him a swift kick in the ass.

The Islanders stopped, shocked that Yanna actually raised her voice. Then Ivanova broke the silence.

"Wow. You yelled, hehehe, do it again. Get mad. Really, really mad! Get mad and go kill! Yeah!!! Kill! Kill, kill, kill! I wanna see DEATH! LOTS AND LOTS OF DEATH! AND BLOOD! OH YEAH! Mwa ha ha! BLOOD! EVERYWHERE! OODLES OF IT! DRIPPING!"

Madder smacked Ivanova, yelling, "DEAL WITH YOUR ISSUES SOME OTHER TIME!"

"Shhhhhhh!" Syrenna hissed, "We're going to get caught!"

Ivanova giggled, "Now Syrenna is getting mad. Gotta watch out for her, she is so violent!"

Ivanova fell over laughing, Syrenna turned red, and Yanna folded her arms and just sighed.

Ivanova coughed and tried to regain her composure. Yanna was right, all this Twink nonsense had gone on for far too long, and it was time to end it!

"Okay, we have to stop these Twinks. This is their breeding ground, so if we destroy it, then they won't have a place to rear their young, then all we would have to do is destroy the remainder of them!"

"Yeah!" Everyone shouted.

"Um," Madder asked, "What's the plan?"

"That's a good question..." Syrenna sighed.

The eight of them stood thinking for a while, talking out what they should do. Syrenna was looking at the strangely dressed mannequin when an idea popped into her head.

"I know! We can speak over the intercom thing and tell them that there is a sale on Twinky skanky bras and thongs! 99% off everything!"

Ivanova smiled, "Yeah! And then we KILL KILL KILL! If they are all up here on this level, I can cause the pits of Hell to open and collapse it so they all will be swallowed up!" She said with such evil in her voice. They all agreed.

Yanna and the Emperor were off to find the speaker system, Ivanova was positioned out of sight under the level, Syrenna was hidden by the stairs in the plants, Queen Quirky and her Lover were positioned in the hall as lookouts, and Maris and Madder were hiding behind a naked statue.

The intercom came on and there were noises of struggle then the Emperor's voice echoed out, "Attention foul Twinks! You-"

There were sounds of punching and kicking and a few 'fucks' then Yanna was heard.

"Like, Good afternoon dudes and dudettes. Today we totally have, like, a way too cool everything for like 99% off sale! Like, oh my god! 99% off means it's, like, practically free! Like, wow! So yeah, like, better get to La Vie En Rose before, like, it's totally sold out!" There was a Twinkish giggle then nothing.

The floor began to rumble and things began to fall off the shelves. Quirky and her Lover waved their hands then ducked out of sight... the mob was coming!

The Twinks came changing into the store. There were so many of them! Somehow the hundreds of Twinks that had been in the mall were now cramming their way into La Vie En Rose. Yanna and the Emperor came running towards Ivanova, who was standing out in the open with the others.

"Now?" She asked. Everyone nodded their heads.

Ivanova turned to the Twinks, her eyes now completely black, with her arms at her sides while her hands faced up in a claw-like gesture. The ground began to shake and rumble, but the Twinks didn't notice this because of their shopping frenzy. Then a black transparent bubble formed around the Islanders and company, protecting them from the black flames that were snaking its way around the mall. All of a sudden the mall dropped into a wide hole, which closed up again as soon as the mall was lost from sight, while those in the bubble remained unharmed. The bubble lowered to the ground and then disappeared.

"Well," Said Yanna, "That was one hell of a show!"

"I guess it is finally time to go home now. I wonder if Windy McBlow will help us again?" Syrenna wondered.

They all went back through the tunnel and looked up to the sky. Windy peeked her head out of the clouds. "What are you all looking at?" She demanded.

"Will you please help us back to the Island?" Yanna asked. Windy stuck out her tongue.

"Windy, you fucker! Take us back right now!" Lady Syrenna yelled. Windy hid back into her cloud then all of a sudden the Royalties lifted off the ground and was whisked away back to their Island.

They were dropped hard on the ground on home soil.

"If she could have carried us like that all along, then why the hell did she make us build a boat before?" Maris asked, hands on hips.

Windy came down to earth and shrugged, saying, "You kept making fun of my name, so I thought you should earn your transportation!"

"I COULD HAVE DIED!" Madder yelled, angrily wiping off the makeup he'd disguised himself with, "Or worse, BANGED BY A SURFER DUDE!"

"Oh. Well, you weren't!" Windy said with a shrug and a smile.

"THAT'S IT! SEND ME BACK TO GAIA!" Madder screamed while the Islanders laughed. Puffing up her cheeks all huge, Windy gave him one of her patented "blow jobs" and sent him on his way.

THE END!

YES YES! FINALLY THE END!

And the Emperor screamed as the sun began to set and he stomped his feet into the sand.

"YOU ROYAL NINNIES! THE MANNEQUIN DOOR IS STILL OPEN! Good for nothing idiots..." And he began to mutter. Then he took a shiny pink shell, puckered his lips and gave a kiss. He threw it across the land and BOUNCE BOUNCE BOUNCE it went... to the dark heart of the Island... through the portal to Reality... and its final BOUNCE into the "doorway" of the mannequin... causing the evil light of the doorway to be closed forever. The mannequin began to jolt from the goodness the shell gave in between its secret area before it exploded from the excitement, letting the mall be dissolved in the fires of HELL!

THE END!

THE END!!

THE END!!!

THE END!!!!

Queen Quirky said, "So like, umm... I guess my island is in ruins now. Everyone's dead. I guess I'll be staying here then."

The Royalties turned to her with flared nostrils. And they sighed.

The last.

The final.

The End