It was another beautiful day on the Silent Island of Crow. The birds were chirping, the bees were buzzing, the demons were howling, and there was a strange and extravagant ship tied up at the docks.

This was not at all normal! The Emperor frowned, tipping his sun hat up so he could get a better look at the ship. It was painted in purple and gilded in gold, and despite the calm ocean, the ship was rocking back and forth. The Emperor did not like that. Perhaps the ship was cursed! A ghost ship! He did not need ghosts on his Island, destroying his blood pressure! He was full of piss enough!

Scampering over to where the ship was tied to the dock, he eyed up the rope, wondering how best to untie the thing. He thought better of that, however, because touching a smelly salty rough rope with his delicate fingers would be sure to give him nasty callouses! The thought alone made him shudder!

Then he noticed that it was not only rope that adorned the dock pole, but a note as well, affixed in place by a golden dagger! Taking the dagger for himself (it was beautiful, after all, and surely not haunted), he brought the note before his eyes and began to read:

HELP! QUEEN IN DISTRESS!
I, Queen Quirky, implore help from the loyal subjects of this great island. I need your help to restore my throne as Queen of the island of Cyprus. Please, loyal subjects, help me and my people take back our grand island from the evil ORGS! In doing so, you will yourselves be forever welcome on my grand island Cyprus! Thank you loyal subjects and Silk upon you.
Your Queen,
Quirky

"Well, you are mistaken! Mistaken!" The Emperor muttered to himself, "You are no queen of mine! For I am the Emperor, melancholy monarch of this Silent Island! But gadzooks, look how crazily that ship is shaking! I am suspicious..."

And indeed, the ship was rocking even harder than before, and he could hear a sound almost like a drum? And someone shouting along in time to the beat?

A moment later the shouter let out a long wail, an operatic high C, and finally the crazy rocking began to die down.

"INTERLOPERS!" The Emperor shouted, kicking out with his little legs at the hull of the ship, "Come down post-haste, and we shall see if aid shall be given to your cause!"

From inside the ship came a rustle and a tussle, and shortly a porthole on the side opened to show the face of a curly red-haired woman. She gasped at the sight of the Emperor Beluga, covering her mouth daintily.

"Oh, how marvellous! Someone has answered my summons! I shall be out momentarily!" She said before tucking herself back into the ship.

All the Emperor could make out were shapes, moving frantically, almost as if it were people trying to dress themselves. But what would people be doing unclothed on a rocking ship... unless...

The Emperor's lips curled and curled, and a chuckle escaped his mouth.

"Ohohohoho, the ship was a-rocking, and yet I came a-knocking! This is a boat of sin! Hehe!"

From out of nowhere trumpets began to blare, and a shower of rose petals filled the air as the gangplank to the ship was lowered. Onto it stepped the red hair lass, now with clothes on (a fancy, flowing silk dress of purple and blue, adorned with a black leather va-va-VOOM harness across her chest. Golly gosh, was it ever risqu�!), and she descended while waving to the crowd that absolutely wasn't there.

"Greetings, my loyal subjects!" She said, before looking around and seeing only the Emperor present, "Or, subject, I suppose. Ah! But I see you have read my missive! As stated, my home is beset by foul Orgs, and I require aid in liberating it from their clutches! You shall be rewarded, of course. Here, a token of things to come."

With a flourish, she pulled forth a silk scarf from a pouch at her hip, passing it to the Emperor.

"I do love silk," he said, wrapping the scarf across his neck, "It is grand. Now at first, I thought you may have been pregnant. Though that is not the same kind of distress, now is it! Har har! I suppose we could help you sort out your misery. But," he gasped, "Are you talking of Cyprus... as in the island in Europa... in Grecia?! IN REALITY!?"

The thought of travelling to that horrid place made his heart squeeze, and he felt as though he were about to pass out.

Queen Quirky covered her mouth as she gave vent to a ladylike titter.

"Thank you, oh loyal subject! Silk is my specialty, and I have lots for loyal subjects! I do not know of this place Cyprus in Europa. My island is in the Seventh Sea of Sin. Oh!" She gestured suddenly to something behind her, "But here is another of my loyal subjects! I present to you my faithful servant: my Lover!"

Behind her was a man with sandy blonde hair, his outfit also bedecked in kinky leather.

"Mwaha! I see two Quirks in the land!" The Emperor chortled.

The Lover let out a sigh, looking from the Emperor to his Queen.

"I suppose I have to be your servant with a name like this, don't I? Fine, but for the record, you're all weirdos."

The Emperor swelled with anger at that, snapping, "It is you who is out of the brain. A beating red rash down your spine!" And he made a whipping at the Lover with the scarf the Queen had given him.

He then put his palm's side to his eyebrows and looked out at the horizon, adding, "Seventh Sea of Sin! Ha! What a naughty-sounding place! I bet you do enjoy your whipping there, don't you! You dominatrix-look-alike woman named Queen Quirky! And who is this Lover who you brought to the Island also? Is he your whipping boy? I feel as though I have seen you both in my Reality dreams..."

"I do not allow insolence! My island is great that way. I do my own whipping, on my island of sin, otherwise known as Cyprus. I don't need a whipping boy to keep my people in line! I do it myself and enjoy it OH so much..." Queen Quirky got a faraway look in her eyes, smiling wistfully.

"You are a naughty queen. Naughty!" The Emperor whipped out again with the silk scarf, "I hope that Lady Syrenna will arrive soon to do some cleaning. Oh, I suppose Ivanova and Lady Syrenna won't be showing up any time soon, because they ARE SO SLOW. Otherwise, having some sort of Beltane gathering. It is Beltane, you know. Do you have plans? Hehe, I bet your family's dead. So where did the Orcs or Orgs come from? Maybe you have an enemy."

He sat down on the dock and snapped his little fingers, causing an elephant-shaped silver teapot to appear and pour a cuppa lemon tea. Daintily raising his pinky, he took a sip and awaited Queen Quirky's answer.

"Beltane is a devil's custom! Are you heathens?!" She cried in outrage, "Oh well, as Queen, I will change that! My family is not all dead, some have escaped to other islands, where they too will seek help. The ORGS are from the Sixth Sea, otherwise known as EVIL! I have no enemies! I am Queen! My Lover may though..." She added thoughtfully.

The Emperor threw his teacup into the sea, standing up sharply and saying, "By golly, you silly woman! You may have brought a traitor to the Island! If he is not what you say he is," he jabbed a finger at the Lover, "Then he'll have the Orgs come to get you!"

Just then, in the distance, a giant black ship, its masts pointing high into the sky with sharp points and flowing sails, shot with a humongous sound a CANNONBALL onto the Island! It landed with a terrible sound and the ground screamed.

"Gah, my land will get a bruise with that!" Cried Emperor Beluga, "They've come to follow you, you quirky Queen! Don't you have anything to defend yourself with?!"

"OH NO!" Was all Queen Quirky could manage, cowering behind her Lover. The Emperor pouted and sat back down, cross-legged and cross.

"I suppose you have no phone to call your other seas, if they are your allies anyway. I guess the other settlers on the Island here are sleeping, especially Lady Syrenna, from the bonfire party from the night before, ha ha. Hungover no doubt!"

Queen Quirky guffawed. "A phone? What a crazy idea! Preposterous even! I have something better than that: ESP! I can telepathically send messages to my allies! I shall send one now, but it will take some time, I will need to assemble an army now, to take them out. The evil Orgs must die! Please, help your Queen, join the army! Help me defend your island until my allies come!"

Luckily, as if summoned, Lady Syrenna and Ivanova came running down the beach and onto the dock.

"What the hell? Did someone say they wanted me to CLEAN? What was meant by this suggestion?" Syrenna rounded on the Emperor. But before she could say anything, Ivanova whapped her on the shoulder and pointed to the two newcomers. Syrenna's whole demeanour changed, and with a friendly smile, she said, "Hey! It is a Queen. Fancy that. I'm a Queen of the Mystical Forest. How do you do?"

"This new Queen Quirky is kind of a cuckoo," the Emperor muttered to Syrenna, before scuttling over to Quirky and pointing back at Syrenna. "This one is always drinking ale at the well and wandering in the forest! She's always some sort of drunk," he then waddled back to Syrenna, finishing up, "She just dropped here a while ago, says that there were Orgs that came after her island and made her run away. She's seeking refuge here and asking us to help her save her home. Hehe, some queen. Anyway by clean, I suppose I meant kill. I don't remember what I was talking about. I don't think I was drunk though, then, with Queen Quirky."

Syrenna laughed at that (while Quirky continued to look fearfully at the ship growing ever closer), "As long as you didn't mean tidying up! I'm not a big fan of that sort of thing, seeing as I live in a place that has dirt for the ground!"

The black ship fired off another round, this one landing closer to the gathered royalty.

"YOU FUCK!" The Emperor screamed at the ship.

"Well, she sounds funny," Syrenna continued, "We should have an ale party and invite her! Wonder what sort of kooky things she'd say, he he he!"

Bent over and rummaging through a backpack she had brought, Ivanova looked up to say, "Probably things about bananas!"

"And prunes!" The Emperor added with a chortle, "All dried up and shrivelled and everything!"

"And donuts with their white sticky cream!" Ivanova shot back.

Ignoring the three Islanders, Queen Quirky and her Lover scampered back into the ship to try and hide from the continuing fire from the black ship.

"OH MY GOD! You forgot the kiwis and peaches!" Syrenna paused in her laughter, looking around. "That Queen, where is she? Do you suppose the belugas got her? Or perhaps a Skuller?"

The Emperor shrugged at that. "Haha yeah, that is so crazy. Maybe she is the type of queen who never had cannons shoot at her? I guess someone's got to pick her up and bring her back to her island country. After the Orgs are taken care of."

"Sure! Us Islanders are always up for adventures!" Syrenna chuckled, "I can use my animals and my vines!"

"My MESSAGES JUST DON'T WORK!" They heard Quirky scream from inside the ship, "I've already sent some, gah stupid island!"

Another cannonball came crashing down, dangerously close to the dock. The black ship was even closer now.

"Try, try again!" Syrenna shouted back, "I'm sure they'll get it sooner or later! What do your soldiers look like? Are they human? Nice to meet the two of you, by the way!"

Quirky's face popped out of a porthole.

"Hello, Lady Syrenna, nice to meet you too, although are you really royalty?"

"Why, yes, I am. I am Queen of the Forest. The Mystical Forest... My home..."

Nodding her head, Quirky mused, "Queen of a forest?! Hmm, I guess that counts then. It's nice to know I have fellow royalty on this heathen island..."

"Heathen!? Whatever do you mean?" Syrenna snapped, her hand going for the sword at her hip.

"It is full of pirates!" Quirky snapped, "Had you not noticed?"

"Pirates? Where?!"

Pointing down at the Emperor, Quirky said, "That little lad right there! He is a pirate!"

Syrenna laughed aloud at that.

Just then, a hissing roar sounded from Ivanova's direction. The others turned sharply to glare at her, only to spot an empty bazooka tube on her shoulder. They all turned and watched the spiralling tail of smoke heading out, out towards the black ship until BLAMO! UP IT WENT! Bits and pieces went flying everywhere, though far away enough that the Islanders only got to see a cool firework-like blast and not have to worry about being killed by falling debris.

"There, that takes care of that!" Ivanova said, shoving the bazooka back into her bag. "Now what was this about an ale party?"

And with the threat taken care of, they all decided that now was a great time to get day drunk! Between the booze and her Lover, Queen Quirky forgot all about the threat to her own home. Too bad for her loyal subjects!

The End