It was a lovely, sunny day. The crows were crowing, the belugas were singing their haunting song, and the three inhabitants of the Silent Island of Crow were eagerly awaiting the hunt they had been planning for quite some time, almost since Lady Syrenna had first appeared on the Island. She had told them of foul creatures called Skullers, and how they could be killed with weapons made from silver or oyster shells. For many weeks, the Emperor Beluga and Ivanova had been forging weapons, polishing armour, and making tasty treats to take on their hunt. Lady Syrenna had promised to bring along a trio of black unicorns to hunt with them.
"Black unicorns have great powers," she told them one day, "Not even the wisest know what those powers are. And unlike regular unicorns, black unicorns have golden blood!"
So now, after what seemed like an eternity of waiting, the Three Magical Royalties were all together, and about to embark upon their hunt.
"YES! LET'S GO HUNTING RIGHT NOW!" The Emperor screamed, "I can't wait. Wow, we are all here."
"WOOH YEAH!!!" Ivanova cheered, waving her weaponry around. The Emperor took a lavish, shiny golden crown and placed it upon his head, then taking out a dagger, he cried, "En garde, foul Skullers!! Come black unicorns, come play! And kill!"
He then sat down on the mossy, not-so-damp ground to wait for Lady Syrenna to summon the unicorns.
"Yes, hunting on pretty black unicorns as we kill things!" Ivanova said, sitting down beside him, "Oh, I'm giddy with anticipation!"
"Yes! Well, I'll be right back," Syrenna told them, "The unicorns seem to be ignoring me because I said we would hunt on the weekend, but we never did."
Pulling out a wooden flute, Lady Syrenna began to play, causing a beautiful song to ring out through the Mystical Forest... but no black unicorns came. Syrenna sighed, and then went walking through the trees. After many a minute, she found them sleeping and lazing around. She talked to them in their secret silent language, and they finally agreed to come. They all walked back together to find the Emperor and Ivanova patiently waiting.
The Emperor cracked a whip, saying, "WASHKAA!! Look at that. It's lovely. Time to go then? I haven't even had any breakfast today. Just a piece of noodle because Sally did not make my lunch in the morning. I think there's paranoia in the house: someone's telling her not to! 'Oh must let the Emperor take care of himself on his own. How will he learn... How will he take care of himself by himself...' BAH HELL!" He yelled, pouting. "Let's go on that giant hunt and have a feast after. Skullers don't taste well, do they?" He asked.
"Well, we'll soon find out if they taste good or not!" Syrenna replied, holding out the reins of one of the unicorns to him, "Here, you can ride the more tame unicorn. His name is Falnorion. Ivanova, you can ride Shilindra. And I'll ride Gry."
The Three Magical Royalties mounted their rides. The Emperor cackled, stroking the shining mane of his unicorn.
"Ooh, Falnorion. I like my black smiling horse! Hello Falnorion. You look shiny today. Are you well? Do they talk, Lady Syrenna?" He asked, looking over at the Forest Queen.
Ivanova, meanwhile, was putting on a black cloak and swooshing it over her shoulders for maximum twirlyness. "Excellent!" She cried, "A hunt and then a feast! I will have my chefs cook up a wonderful feast of Maltor for us. A Maltor is a very delicious demon, and my chefs are the IRON CHEFS! Whom I have stolen from Japan!"
"Even wicked!" The Emperor giggled. "I would definitely like to eat something large afterwards. Tell them to make me a nice shiny pink shrimp too. A giant one! With lots of flavour. I am sooo hungry..." He then took out a little yellow animal from his pocket and ate it, saying, "There's my appetizer."
He then put on his riding gear ("Like what those rich snobby people wear to ride their elite horses on their park!" he told the other two), and kicking his boots in the air, he began to laugh and fire rounds from his rifle into the air.
"Silly Emperor!" Syrenna giggled, "Anyways, unicorns do speak the language of mortals, but rarely. I suppose if you are nice to him he may talk to you." She told him, flinging a green cloak over her shoulders and pulling up hood. "Shall we be off?" She asked, both her and Gry eager to go. As the Emperor continued to cackle and shoot, Ivanova sidled over to Syrenna.
"Wow," she said, "The Emperor is really getting carried away! Note to self:" She added in a stage whisper, "Put some sort of tranquilizer in the Emperor's food..."
"Ivanova, did the Emperor say he wanted shrimp or oyster afterwards?" Syrenna asked with a suggestive giggle. Ever since they discovered that the Emperor didn't know that oysters were supposed to be an aphrodisiac, Lady Syrenna and Ivanova had taken every opportunity to bring up the subject.
"No thanks." The Emperor huffed, rolling his eyes, "Tranquilizer later. FOR BEDTIME!" Nudging Falnorion's sides, he rode the unicorn down a path, circled around a mulberry bush, then rode back to the others, asking, "Ready to go? My gun's getting very anxious!! So let's distribute the weapons then!"
"Hehe, I've got I'll I need here!" Ivanova replied, patting a sword and gun hanging from her belt, "So, let us be off then! Oh, but are we staying together or hunting separately?"
"I think together for strategic reasons; the Skullers can be very sneaky," Syrenna said, checking her own sword and a quiver of arrows. She twanged her bowstring to test its tension, then smiled, saying, "Let's go!"
They rode together in silence, heading towards a cave in the forest, where the Skullers lived. They were almost spotted by a sentry Skuller, but Ivanova chopped it down before it could raise the alarm. "One down!" She laughed triumphantly, "And, er, a whole bunch more to go!"
"Okay," the Emperor said, motioning for his two hunting partners to come over to him, "So we sort of split for a second, surrounding their cave quarters. I attack the top, Lady Syrenna attacks the back and sides, and Ivanova attacks head-on (from the ledge at the top of the door. I guess you jump on them once they've all come out). They won't know what hit them!"
"Looks like from here, they are getting ready for something too?" He thought to himself.
"Alright then!" Ivanova said, riding away to head off the Skullers, while Syrenna circled around to the rear. The Emperor, clinging to his unicorn, went to the left side of the stone cave, where the ramp stretched to the top. Taking out a dagger, he smiled and shouted, "HEEYA!"
The Emperor had led Falnorion along a quiet trot up the ramp and behind two giant stone poles. He made a quick jab at a nearby Skuller's throat, a sitting guard, and it quietly died. Dismounting he ran quietly to the other side to stab the next guard in the back, but it saw him coming and pushed him into the ground. Only there was water on the ground and THE SPLASH created a stir inside the headquarters! It was too loud and the Skullers heard the attackers outside!
Syrenna laughed with excitement. The hunt was on! Seeing a guard run out with snarling teeth and frothing foam, she fixed an arrow to bow and took careful aim, shooting it right in the chest. The Skuller fell over, screeching in pain before it finally died.
"Gotcha!" Syrenna laughed, but her merriment was cut short when out of nowhere, one jumped on Gry. Syrenna turned, pulling her sword. She swung at the nasty little thing, but it ducked her blow. Panicked by the creature, Gry took off at a full run, dodging tree and bush. Syrenna finally managed to cleave the head off the beast and it fell dead to the passing ground. Syrenna managed to calm Gry, and then she scanned the area for the others.
As Ivanova watched as the Lady and Gry ran off, she said to herself, "Meh, I guess I'll ju-GAH!!"
She was cut off as a Skuller jumped on her back and tried to bite her arm. She punched it to the ground where Shilindra stomped it to a bloody pulp.
"Good unicorn!" she said, patting Shilindra. Drawing her sword and gun, she began her attack.
Lady Syrenna heard the sounds of battle and turned Gry around, urging her back to the fight. A Skuller ran across their path, but it was trampled by Gry's hooves. Syrenna smirked, saying, "Dumbass!" at the now-dead creature.
She rode on until she was stopped by a gang of male Skullers. They hissed and spat at her, pawing the ground. She dismounted Gry and pulled her sword at once. They advanced only to be cut and hacked apart by her skillful swings. Gry stabbed and slashed with her horn at the Skullers, skewering one in the gut, and letting it hang lifelessly from her horn.
"This one looks mighty tasty!" Syrenna said as she finished the killing. She mounted Gry once again and headed up to rejoin the others.
Ivanova had chased down several escaping Skullers, and found herself quite a ways away from the battlefield. Using her dark powers to kill any Skullers in her path, she caught up with the Lady, who was also making her way back to the cave. "Which way was it?" Ivanova called.
The Lady pointed forward saying, "I'm betting it was the Emperor that set them off, he's not very quiet..."
The trees passed faster and faster as Syrenna, Gry, Ivanova and Shilindra charged on, plowing through a guard of Skullers. Syrenna yelled like Xena, wildly, swinging her sword and calling to Ivanova, "Where could he have gotten?"
The Emperor was sitting upon Falnorion, the both of them crazily turning round and round! There were too many Skullers on the hilltop! The Emperor began to panic, and he took out his silver whip to lash out at everything near him. Round and round they spun, faster, faster! He started to panic and his face became a hot red, burning with fire, and he went absolutely crazy and started swinging the whip like a madman! Everywhere! The Emperor whipped EVERYWHERE! He wouldn't stop! He wouldn't stop! He wouldn't stop!
"NEVER GONNA STOP, GONNA KEEP KILLING!" He screamed. Slash, whip, crack went the whip.
"CAN'T STOP!" He cried, his eyes closed and head drooping down, "CAN'T STOP!"
Bang, cling, snap, BASH! The Emperor was going too fast! Falnorion was doing a pirouette!
"Oh No! He's going insane! Damn shrimp!" Lady Syrenna cried, spotting the Emperor.
"He's doing ballet on his unicorn!" Ivanova said before charging off with Syrenna. Tossing aside gun and bow, they attacked with swords as they fought their way to the madly spinning Emperor.
Unbeknownst to the three hunters, their violent extravaganza was being watched by another. She had come from a far off land, wandering aimlessly, drifting across the sea in a self-induced hibernation, only to find herself drawn to the shores of a strange island. The sounds of battle drew her onward, and she soon found herself in a forest clearing, where a cave thrust out of the grassy ground, ugly little creatures pouring from its depths. Fighting the creatures were three strange people, each riding a black unicorn and wielding primitive weapons. The newcomer smiled. It had been ages since she'd seen anyone using weapons like that.
She smirked to herself. Primitive cultures were always ready to make an extraordinary being like herself their leader, all that she needed was a little pizzazz!
Closing her eyes and concentrating, her veins turning black, the newcomer caused dark clouds to crawl in, and lightning to flash across the sky. Unravelling her large, bat-like wings from where she had wrapped them around her shoulders like a cloak, she hovered forward into the clearing, spreading her arms in a sweeping gesture.
"Hello mortals," she cried, "I have arrived!"
The three before her continued on with their fight, apparently unmoved by her display. The newcomer dropped to the ground, letting the clouds dissipate. That had not been the reaction to her presence she had been expecting!
Eventually Syrenna spotted her. She rode up to her, saying, "A ha! A new hunter! Will you help us reduce the population of these Skullers? Come on! There'll be a feast fit for giants afterwards!" She said, waving her sword.
Pausing in the slaughter, Ivanova waved to the stranger, saying, "Welcome to the hunt!" Before going back to the killing.
"Strange," the newcomer thought, "They don't seem to fear me, like others I've encountered before..."
She was distracted from her thoughts, however, when the Emperor and Falnorion lost their balance and fell into a nearby pond. Luckily Falnorion was so tall that the Emperor did not get even a bit wet! Just a teeny droplet of water on his cheek.
They walked out of the water breathing heavily, eyes bulging. The madness was beginning to fade. The Emperor and the black unicorn were regaining consciousness again. "Wasn't that fun, horsy?" Said the Emperor to Falnorion.
"Why yes. I enjoyed every second of it."
"Wow, you talked!"
"Aye."
They saw Lady Syrenna, Ivanova, and the open-mouthed stranger standing in the distance, and met up with them.
"The Skuller I missed has made a breakaway to jump down to the inside of the headquarters! I saw him! I saw him!" He shouted excitedly. Just then, an echoing horn blazed from inside the cave.
They all turned to the sound and saw HUNDREDS of the little beasties charging towards them! It was like a wave of Skullers!
"Uh oh..." Ivanova murmured.
The Emperor's whip suddenly increased in length, and he lashed at the Skullers with all his might! "There are too many!" He yelled out. He was pulled down into the yelling along with Falnorion. They were on the black dirt, sheltering themselves from the stomping Skullers. Falnorion made a breakaway and kicked everything in his path, but left the little Emperor behind! He was too small to find in the darkness of the throng! Syrenna and Ivanova were trying to fight their way to him, but there were just too many Skullers!
"You silly primitive creatures!" The newcomer said, floating beside them on her black wings. She tossed them bundles of TNT, saying, "Use this: the demented ones which are battling you would never see it coming. Oh, and I'm Yanna, by the way."
So using Yanna's dynamite, they managed to clear a good-sized chunk of the Skullers off, large enough to spot the Emperor. Urging Shilindra on, Ivanova rode past the Emperor and pulled him up onto the unicorn.
"Come, let us find your ride!" She said, and they galloped off, killing madly before they were engulfed by the Skuller swarm.
Summoning vines out of the earth, Syrenna caused them to tangle around the Skullers' running legs, causing them to fall and break their necks. The ones who managed to escape the tangling were halted by huge protruding rocks of great height. Syrenna smiled.
"Mother Earth is mad at you now!"
She signaled for Yanna to ignite more of her TNT so that all the Skuller would be blown up! A little ways away from the Skuller clearing, the Emperor pointed at Falnorion, stomping near the river and taking a few sips of the water every few seconds.
"Good, water, I'm thirsty." The Emperor and Ivanova heard from Shilindra.
All of a sudden, the Emperor jumped off the unicorn and ran down on the ground swarming with Skullers.
"What are you doing?! You'll get trampled on!" Ivanova yelled.
The Emperor skipped happily down the crowded path and with a flick of his wrist his whip straightened into a rigid spear (making Ivanova laugh with innuendo), which he used to make a shish-ka-bob of Skullers. He lifted up the shish-ka-bob and underneath laid a lovely TNT left by Yanna.
"Thanks for that, Yanna! I love bombs!"
And he took it to the sharp end of his crown and a spark started, and in a few moments... KABOOM!!!! It shot through a thousand Skullers everywhere. The Emperor jumped with glee and Falnorion tossed the little monarch onto his back, and they rode off to a cleaner part of the river (fewer Skuller bits, aye) to drink some more water.
"Just a second..." Said an eerie but loud voice in the centre of the black war. It was Ivanova, and she seemed to have gone crazy with all the killing. She was holding her arm out towards Yanna, who had her arms full of explosives, and in Ivanova's hand was a ball of fire. Lighting the dynamite from the flame, Yanna snickered evilly and threw the large bundle into the midst of the Skullers, causing an explosion that blew many of the creatures into oblivion.
And with the loud red explosion of the Yanna TNT, the Emperor found himself beginning to laugh maniacally, increasing to an incredible ear-piercing scream! And that's when he began to go mad again and he took his silver whip and started lashing at everything in his way! "Round unicorn! Round! Round! Round!" The Emperor sang.
"A jolly merry-go-round!" Falnorion replied gleefully. And again they did a dance among the black crowds of Skullers, and Falnorion skipped on his hooves as the Emperor brought down his whip and wrapped it around a whole row of Skullers' necks and CRACK!!! Their necks broke apart!
"Again! Again!" The Emperor yelled loudly. Crack went the whip!
"Again! Again!!" Emperor screamed out. Crack went the whip! And the Emperor and Falnorion laughed crazily.
Syrenna howled with excitement and laughter as the loud explosion threw blood and chunks of Skullers everywhere and shook the ground under their feet. Once all the smoke cleared, Lady Syrenna went about the bodies of the Skullers. The ones that were still alive, she sliced and stomped.
"Such a wonderful hunt!" She laughed.
Driven crazy by bloodlust and the funky Bjork songs playing in her head, Ivanova began to laugh maniacally and with sword and retrieved gun in hand, rode about slaughtering those Skullers that were still alive! SLASH! BANG! She chopped and shot her way through the throng, laughing like a maniac! A few Skullers tried to sneak away quietly, but Ivanova saw them and gave chase, vanishing into the trees.
Seeing that the fight with the strange little beasts was all but done, Yanna decided to explore the rest of the strange island she had washed up upon.
After a while, things began to quiet down. The Emperor took a step onto the bleeding battleground, breathing quietly.
"The battle has had me pooped and I feel all smelly," he said as he sniffed his armour and boots. "What a refreshing fight!" He added as he took another step round about the dead bodies and looked at Lady Syrenna, who was the only one there.
"Weren't we going to have a feast afterwards? I wonder where Ivanova and Yanna are off to. I want to know where that Yanna came from!" The Emperor said with an imperious pout.
"I think they might have gone to make the feast," Syrenna said, "Or perhaps to go and blow some more things up..."
"Alright, shall we sit here to wait?" The Emperor asked, "I'm going to wash my face in the river. And feet, aye."
So while the Emperor washed himself, Lady Syrenna sat around idly humming to herself.
"Sooooo," she said after a while, "Are we off to the most yummy after-hunt feast?"
"Yes, I'm still sitting." The Emperor babbled, "I don't really know if Ivanova really is alive at the moment. I thought she was elsewhere. Yanna? Is eating?"
Syrenna looked at him funny and shook her head. After a while, she said, "You know, I reckon there are still women and children Skullers down below in their headquarters. But I say we should leave them. We do want to go Skuller hunting again, don't we? Hey, come to think of it, did anyone find my Oyhan that escaped?"
"Yes, perhaps hunting another day, but I'm much too tired for that now," the Emperor said, "Plus we might be a teeny bit weaker without Ivanova. Maybe next time. I think it's beginning to rain anyway." He added, taking shelter under a tree as raindrops began to fall. "Yes, I was correct. As for this Oyhan, I do remember my pig telling me that it was drinking water by the sea the other time, before Ivanova sliced him up and fed him to me. Why don't we go take a look?"
"Ah, alright," Syrenna said, standing in the rain and waiting for the Emperor to get out of the trees. Syrenna liked the rain. They mounted the unicorns and headed out to the sea.
By the time they arrived, it had become quite windy and the raindrops had grown larger.
"Where about did this pig of yours see the Oyhan?" Syrenna asked the Emperor, who was holding a thick leaf over his head.
"Over there, by the docks." He replied, pointing to where the sound of splashing could be heard loudly by the docks, as well as the scraping of giant rocks.
Lady Syrenna and the Emperor rode their black unicorns to the edge of the shore to look at the side of the big bay.
"Do you think we can make it to the other side? The tide is getting higher now." The Emperor asked.
"Hmmm... How about we take a ride on the belugas?" Syrenna suggested, "I'm sure the unicorns want to get rid of us now. Besides, once I get that Oyhan under my control, he should be of no harm to us." Syrenna paused, a curious look on her face. She suddenly leaped off Gry excitedly, pointing towards the far shore, "OH LOOK! I see him over there! He's running into the woods!" she laughed, "Quick, call the belugas!"
The Emperor made a crying call and the belugas came to the rescue. He spoke in a language, at a frequency too high for humans to understand yet low enough to sound like beautiful whale music. He told them to drop them off by the shore, and afterwards, Lady and Emperor took a run to the woods to follow the Oyhan.
"What a nice fun ride that was." The Emperor said, "Look, Syrenna, the beluga gave me a giant whalebone to use as bait for your Oyhan. I hope he'll be entranced by this. It is quite large and I don't possibly know of any bone-liking animal that wouldn't want this."
"WOW! That's wonderful! He'll come for sure." Lady Syrenna said, "Now, we must be very careful. He has very sharp teeth and very strong claws. Shit!" Syrenna looked down. "I think I stepped in his, well, shit!" She groaned, wiping her foot off fiercely in the grass.
"Man, that is giant as well," The Emperor began, pinching his nose, "That's real crap, isn't it? Hehe. Large. It's warm so I'm thinking he is still nearby. Let's look over there. There is a clearing right behind those weeping willows. Maybe it's there."
They continued on, Emperor holding the bone out in front of himself and Syrenna observing their surroundings.
"Well, if this Oyhan's dangerous," the Emperor said after a while, "I don't want it coming near me. Or even any sort of licking or sniffing. Maybe I will put it on a fishing line? What do you think, Syrenna?"
The Lady shrugged, as if to say, "Your choice."
They approach the clearing quietly, looking around with watchful eyes. All of a sudden a big purple-haired dog beast flew out of nowhere and jumped on the Emperor, knocking him to the ground! Syrenna gasped then yelled out to the Oyhan in her silent animal language. The Emperor was kicking and clawing at him violently. The Oyhan snapped at his face. Syrenna summoned some vines and they tangled around the Oyhan's thick hairy legs. He hollered and wailed.
Syrenna walked up to the beast and reached her hand out to his face. The vines slowly started weaving around his neck. He panted and whined. She talked to him harshly. His eyes grew wide and he nodded his head, as if to say yes to something. Syrenna released the vines from his feet and let him up. The vines were still on his neck as a leash, just not as tight as they had been before. The Emperor threw the bone at the Oyhan's head. It snatched the bone out of the air and chewed happily, yet nervously.
"He says that he's sorry, he thought you were a big hippo witch or something." Syrenna translated, "And he says thanks for the bone!"
"A big hippo witch?!" The Emperor shouted, outraged, "But I am so small!! I hope he did cry. I hope he did. Hey, you know what... good reminder, aye. That giant witch is still around, isn't she? Why don't we use Oyhan to sniff her out!!" He suggested, thinking to himself, "Though strangely, nothing so bad has been happening on the Island, I don't think..."
"Yeah, I know! Maybe his eyes are bad... or maybe that fat old witch is a shapeshifter!" The Lady suggested, "But yes, I shall ask him where he saw her last!"
She stared at the big beast and after a few minutes of silent conversation, Syrenna looked to the Emperor. "He says that he saw her snooping around a window in the sea. That's your window!"
"Oh my god!" The Emperor screamed, flailing his arms and running towards his house, "Get away, big hippo witch! Do you think she went inside? Oooooo!!" He shouted, beginning to steam from his ears and turn bright red.
They ran to the shore and jumped on the belugas.
"Umm now, what will we do about Oyhan? Maybe he should stay here in case the witch flies away. Capture it then, alright, Oyhan?" The Emperor said as he sat on the beluga's shiny back. "Well?"
The Oyhan whimpered around the bone in his mouth, shooting Lady Syrenna a plaintive look.
"He says he's scared!" Syrenna laughed, "Hang on, I'll talk to him."
She went up to him and slapped him on the head. She talked in her silent language, making references to the huge bone. The Oyhan nodded his head.
"He says he will do whatever it takes. I told him that you were so nice in giving him the bone and that he was very mean to you! He felt sorry." Syrenna translated.
"Hehe what a nice dog. My heart is struck." The Emperor said, patting his chest. "Now come on, let us get a move on! I don't want the witch touching any of my things, making my house dirty!"
And so Syrenna and the Emperor rode on the belugas to the small little cove by the docks, where the small sea house sat just below the seawater.
They went to the dry vestibule and saw that there was a crack in the sides of the door. "Oh my god! She's ruining my house! She's in my house!" And with that, the Emperor stomped his feet loudly.
"Shhh!" Syrenna cautioned. "You might alarm her. We don't know where she is yet."
And they walked inside and saw that everything was still clean as it should be and, to tell you the truth, it was actually cleaner than it should be.
What could have happened? They walked up the stairs.
They reached the top and what they saw shocked them nearly to death! Sally and the hippo witch were sitting around a small table with Yanna, drinking tea and eating all the Emperor's delicious crumpets!
Yanna was grinning evilly as she sipped daintily at her tea, secretly laughing at the knowledge that she slipped cyanide in the hippo witch's tea.
"Oh my god, what's going on? Who said you could touch my things?" The Emperor demanded.
"Oh, we have a visitor. Don't be so rude now," Sally said, "This is Deborah. She just happened to get lost on the Island."
"Aren't you the big scary witch that we've been wanting to kill for the last week?" The Emperor asked the witch, "I mean, we threw your crew in the sea a few nights ago. We burned them alive."
The giant witch blushed and yelled, "Oh my goodness! Those aren't my witches. They are just people that came with me on a field trip. I just happened to be fat and bigger than them. Doesn't mean I'm the leader!"
The Emperor was wide-eyed. And so was Syrenna.
Syrenna asked, "But weren't they evil? They came to attack us!"
The witch replied, "Oh they were quite feisty. They were drinking booze that night, celebrating their graduation. I was actually sitting on the shore just smelling the sea air. I didn't want anything to do with them."
Syrenna and the Emperor stared.
"Huh, well, I guess we killed a bunch of grads then, eh?" Syrenna said, laughing embarrassedly. "Anyway, what kinda tea is that?"
All of a sudden the hippo witch started gagging on something. "The tea!" she gasped, "Someone put something in it!"
"What are you grinning about?" Asked the Emperor to Yanna.
Yanna grinned wider before answering, "Cyanide."
"Oh my god! You fed that to the witch? But she's not even a bitch! She's nice!"
Just then, Deborah began to convulse violently and fell flat to the floor.
"We've got to get her to a hospital!" The Emperor yelled. And thus, frothy bits poured out of Deborah's mouth.
"Well, that sure is revolting. She is frothing all over the floor! Someone should definitely clean that up sometime soon." Yanna said, standing up. "Well everyone, I must now continue with my exploration of this island. Nice meeting you Sally. Good day to you all!" She said, going to the window, spreading her wings, and soaring away.
Shaking her head at the antics of this stranger newcomer to their land, Syrenna turned back to the Emperor, who was sobbing, half because the witch was good and half because his floor was getting all frothy.
"You know, maybe that witch was lying. She could be evil. Just look at that great wart she has on her long pointy nose!" Syrenna turned away then turned back, saying, "I just thought of something: If what we killed were grad witches, then their parents will surely come looking for them?"
"I guess we'll just have to wait and see," The Emperor quietly said with his head drooping. "Help me lounge her onto the stretcher, so we can roll her down the hill to the boat to be taken to a hospital."
And each person took a corner of the frothing witch and threw her on the stretcher. There was no time for gentleness because she was too heavy and also unconscious, so she couldn't feel anything, hehe.
"Where is the hospital anyway?" Asked Sally.
"Is there such a place on this Island?" Syrenna asked, "Hey, maybe I could grow some sort of herbs for her. She looks almost dead though... I don't think any herbs are going to help her now..." She sighed.
"Oh yeah, haha, I don't think there is a hospital here. Haha, maybe we should have one built. You could be a good chemist, I think, Syrenna, So let's just see if the herbs will work!" The Emperor encouraged and swayed his hand.
"Alright, but I don't like that word... chemist! Hehehe, but I do like the term... well, let's think... herb healer? Hehehe!" Syrenna giggled running off to find just the right herbs for the job. She came back moments later with a bowl full of ground-up smelly leaves mixed with water. She poured the concoction down the witch's throat, saying, "There! Let's take a look at her in the morning!"
The Emperor made a giddy smile and tucked his head in between his shoulders. He giggled and said, "Well, since we're not so into trusting this witch, let's tie her up! When she's awake, she won't be able to kill us or anything. And I can have my beauty sleep. Hey! Where is she going to sleep anyway?" He asked. Everybody looked at each other. Yanna, the guest, was gone. So was Sally, disposing of the poisoned tea with her fairy magic. Ivanova was who knows where, doing who knows what.
Syrenna laughed, saying, "Oh Ivanova! Witches like dark don't they... Oh what fun Ivanova would have with such a witch! Hehehe a hippo witch!" Suddenly she stiffened, gazing out the window. "Look, what do you suppose the belugas are doing?"
"Well it's late and dark right now," the Emperor said, peeking outside, "So I'm guessing they're just sort of going for a night jog on the sea. They often drink their martinis while they do it and talk, just jibber. Want to go see?" The Emperor asked.
"Alright!" Syrenna laughed, "We can leave a note for Sally to take this frothy witch to Ivanova's dark hideaway, and then be off to see the belugas, the wonderful belugas with their ale in the sea!"
"What will we do at the sea? With the belugas?" Asked the Emperor. "I'm in the mood for a cold air walk. Though there is nothing much to do right now, is there? I'm actually working on a book, hehe." The Emperor went on and on.
Before they could leave, Sally returned from disposing of the cyanide tea. The Emperor clapped his hands and gestured towards their unconscious guest. "Just put the witch in Ivanova's bedroom. Ivanova's probably hunting at night anyway."
"I'm sure we could put her there," Syrenna said, "If we knew where Ivanova's bedroom was. Ah well, do you wanna do the honours of the tying up of Deborah?" She asked.
"Oh yes, thank you!" the Emperor giggled, grabbing the rope and tying the witch to the stretcher. He and Syrenna then headed off to the beach where the belugas were getting drunk and rowdy. Sally watched them go, lifting her hands in confusion. Tea was never supposed to be this chaotic!
"Hehehe... Oh my, they do look to be having much fun!" Syrenna laughed, dipping her toes into the salty cool water. As they sat on the cool, dry, sandy white beach, the Lady and the Emperor were joined by Yanna and Ivanova, who had grown tired of whatever they had been doing. For a while they all talked together, Yanna explaining that she had come from a far off land, and that for a while she had been having strange dreams about being trapped in a horrible place with stupid people... the same dream that the others had been having also. After a while, the Emperor hushed the gang as a seashell popped up out of the black water slowly. "Quiet now. We've got nice cabaret music."
Soon everyone began to clap softly and the giant coral-coloured seashell opened. Inside lay a lovely pearl, and she sang the most lovely melancholy song anyone could ever hear.
She had tears run down the guests' eyes and she began to sing louder, "Say my name... whisper it... to them... all the time..." and she began to cry in a melodic way.
"Crying clam!" Ivanova said. And as the pearl began to glow brighter and gasp louder, the harps in the background faded and so did the music. What a damn lovely song...
"What a beautiful song oh wondrous creature of the deep sea! This has been a most fun time!" Syrenna said, stretching out in the sand. "Hey, you know what I just realized? None of you have ever been in my tree dwellings!"
"Oh, because they live in the sea, I reckon. Too much in the dry will turn them into prune-likes. Hahaha, all the juice squeezed out, and depending on what kind they are, will probably panic and gallop on the air like a tilapia fish!" The Emperor giggled.
The women looked at him funny.
"Actually, I was talking not to the sea creatures but to the settlers of this very Island!" Syrenna laughed, shaking her head.
"Which ones are they... in your forest?" The Emperor asked, slightly confused.
"What? My home is in the forest. I live in the trees too... my tree dwellings..." Syrenna explained.
"Oh! I see what you're asking now!!" The Emperor said, laughing, "Then let us take a visit to your tree dwellings! Neither have we been at Ivanova's or at Yanna's yet, if she's made herself at home. Hahaha..."
After a brisk walk, they found themselves in the Mystical Forest, which was Syrenna's home. They passed through the skirting trees and onto a path. They soon came to a big fat tree on the border of a small clearing. In the middle of this clearing was a small table made of rock with four tree stumps set around it for chairs. A big silver teapot sat in the middle of the table; a spider dropped from its handle and galloped to the end of the table to jump into the darkness of the bushes.
Syrenna stopped in front of the fat tree. She looked around then placed her right hand on its bark. She moved her hand slightly to the left and all of a sudden the tree bark opened. Stairs headed up in a big spiral, and with one snap of Syrenna's finger, little fireflies illuminated the stairwell.
They headed up the stairs, coming to a small platform of branches that had grown so close together that they formed a floor. There were four wooden chairs made of branches sitting against the trunk of the tree. Syrenna pulled them away and gave one each to the others. They sat and watched the night engulf the forest. She whistled and more fireflies illuminated the platform.
"This is my sundeck. I come here when the sun's come out. I should show you the lookout post upon the tallest tree of this forest. You can see the whole Island from there, almost." Syrenna explained.
"Wow, haha, you are more of a magical person than us," the Emperor laughed, "Your little snaps of fingers and glowing fireflies. What a fun place to be in! Yes, let us go see up in that place of yours to see the Island as a whole! I'd like to see it myself, as I usually stay so bottom even below sea level on the Island."
Ivanova still remembered the spider that jumped into the bushes. She loathed spiders. There were so many trees and leaves all over the place. She began to feel uncomfortable and took out her knife. She began to smile and the sun raised its head into the horizon and embraced the day. "I feel strong now," she said, "Let's keep going. If a spider were to come, I'll cut it in half!"
Syrenna smiled, asking, "Would you like to take the treetop way or perhaps the path on the ground?"
"Let's stay up here. It's fun!" The Emperor said, leaning over the platform. Syrenna smiled again, then turned back to the stairwell. As if it had appeared out of thin air, there were more stairs leading up. They ascended them and came to a high fat branch at the very top. From this branch, a bridge of vines and moss stretched out across the blackness below to the next tree. Yanna was about to step out onto it when Syrenna stopped her. "You must be careful, this is no ordinary bridge," she warned, plucking a hanky out of the Emperor's pocket and dropping it onto the bridge. The bridge wiggled and in a blink of an eye, it twisted upon itself and writhed violently. Soon it stopped and the hanky was gone!
"I put magic into them so that if any but me step upon them, they will crush them." She whistled and a small bird flew up out of the darkness. From its mouth hung the ripped up and crushed hanky. Syrenna took it and handed it back to the Emperor. She then closed her eyes and lifted her arms, whispering some sort of magic. She lowered her arms after a moment and smiled. "You may pass now."
The settlers of the land tiptoed slowly and ever so cautiously across the bridge. It was quite bendy and creaky. Ivanova, the crazy one, jumped up and down and laughed in a diabolical sort of way. Yanna and the Emperor yelled at her loudly back, "OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" And the bridge swayed back and forth.
The Emperor could not trust anyone any longer, so he took his tiny toes and ran as fast as he could to the other side. He made giant skips like a little schoolgirl and in a couple of seconds, he made it to the other side. Panting, he laughed at everyone still in the middle of the bridge.
Syrenna laughed as she watched Ivanova play on the bridge. Once everyone was across and had calmed down, she turned. In front of them lay a wall of blackness, the canopy so thick overhead that the sun was unable to shine forth. Syrenna called the little fireflies again, and they illuminated everything, showing the intricate web of branches and bridges, vines and moss! The Islanders stood dumbstruck.
"You mean to tell me that we have to cross all of these things!?" Ivanova asked.
"No, just some of them," Syrenna replied as she lifted the magic off of all the rest of the bridges. She smiled once again. "We'll get there by noon, I reckon."
And with that, she headed off across the next bridge. Ivanova watched as the Lady began to weave her way through the intricate path. "Screw this!" She muttered and floated after Syrenna. Yanna and the Emperor turned to one another.
"Did you know she could fly?"
"No, she never said she could... So she didn't need to jump on the bridge!"
They all followed Syrenna through the many twists and turns, the Emperor and Yanna panting with exhaustion, while Ivanova smirked. The close confines of the branches prevented Yanna from using her wings.
Suddenly there was a rustle in the trees and a spider came flying at Ivanova, its eight legs splayed everywhere! Ivanova screamed and began to stab at it while the others laughed and laughed! Finally, when the horrible little thing was dead, Ivanova turned and yelled at the others, "FUCK YOU! I HATE SPIDERS!"
Yanna walked over to where the dead spider lay, and patted it while talking softly. "What a cute little beast! I think I will call him Bob."
As she touched the spider, one of the rings on her hand glowed a bright orange before vanishing in a puff of ash. Lifting the spider corpse from the ground, the others could see that the spider was alive once again, and free of injury!
"You people are so mean!" Yanna said, cradling the spider, "Creatures like this are so misunderstood."
The Emperor yelled out, "Oh my god! You brought the spider back to life!" Pointing at the giant hairy black spider that crouched on Yanna. "If you like it so much, why don't you go marry it!"
Ivanova's eyes bulged. She hated spiders.
"Stop being so mean! Think how you would feel if you were a poor misunderstood (if slightly gross) creature!" Yanna shot back.
Syrenna turned and raised an eyebrow at Ivanova. She then turned, green skirt tails flying, and stepped onto the next platform. This one had three different bridges connecting to it. She halted and looked in the direction of each.
"Hmmmm... Now which is which?"
Ivanova scratched her head then landed softly on the platform. "What do you mean which is which? This is YOUR forest and you don't know your way around?" She glared at Syrenna. "Stupid tree people!" She said to herself as she looked back at Yanna holding the spider.
"The bridges change their direction, their destinations, every day, sometimes every few hours!" Syrenna explained with a roll of her eyes. "Hmmm, I'm sensing that... AH HA! This is the way!"
The Lady turned to the right and passed on down the bridge. Something moved in the trees above. Ivanova looked up.
"Damn spiders! I hate those fuckers!" She growled loudly.
Just then, she saw two enormous eyes pop out of the treetops, then two more, then three and then another. A huge black silhouette of some great beast lowered itself down on a thin shiny thread! A loud piercing hiss rang through the air and something shot out at Ivanova. It was a huge sticky net. She was dragged off the bridge and hung over the side above the darkness below. Syrenna clutched the vine rails of the bridge and glared at the beast.
"Drop her, Focker! NOW!"
The big beast just hung there, slowly drawing Ivanova towards it. Syrenna extended her arms and the branches around the beast began to surround it. The sharp bare ends of the sticks drew near.
"They are friends and should not be eaten! Put her down! The waters are very cold this time of year, and I know where there will be whirlpools to flush you down if you don't drop her!"
The huge beast lifted the net, releasing it. Ivanova dropped hard on the bridge. The beast came into the faint light of the sun. It was a spider! A huge, fricken' fat spider! Its hairy legs clawed at the air as it lowered itself to face Syrenna eye to eye.
"Well, I am sorry for that, my Lady," his voice was smooth and deep. Each of his eight eyes wandered in different directions. "It is just that she called my name."
Ivanova stood, saying, "I did not call your name!" She backed away as each eye fell on her.
"She said 'fucker', not Focker!" Syrenna said, relaxing her grip on the vine rails.
"You mean your name is Focker?" Yanna laughed.
He hissed, "Yessssss!" And swung a little on his string.
"Alright Focker," Syrenna said with a nod of her head, "You may hunt in the trees in peace now, we must be off."
Just then the Emperor had a thought. He yelled out to Focker, "Excuse me! You make such lovely shiny thread. And I can't find any nice silkworms out here. Would you mind creating for me such glamorous material? For my cosplay costume?"
And the spider peeped out from the branches in the dark top of the thick, twisted vines. He looked down at the Emperor, saying, "I could make many a thickness in delicate and fine and yet strong thread... which would you most prefer?"
"Wow! Both separate I request! One very strong, almost like Siberian tiger fur and one very delicate as if made of water! How is that?"
The spider turned all his eyes down upon the Emperor, saying, "I shall deliver in two days."
And with that, he disappeared. The Emperor jumped in glee, giggling in excitement.
"Wow! What a very cool creature!" Yanna said, "See? Spiders are misunderstood."
The Emperor laughed before replying, "Yes, I suppose. I do have a spider in my art gallery don't you know? Do you want to see?"
And there he opened a small little box inside his lovely straw knapsack, and inside the box laid a shiny mirror (ooh, Victorian style).
"Take a look," he encouraged, as he swayed with his hand on the mirror's side making the image inside swirl different white colours, "There, that is my gallery."
Everybody looked in and with awe and saw that when they touched the tiny spider at the ceiling, it would start yelling profanities with its sharp teeth and gaping mouth.
After admiring the gallery for a moment, they resumed their journey, the Emperor marching along, jubilant at the thought of new silk.
"Careful now! I'm not sure how long ago I wove this bridge." Syrenna warned as she looked to its end, "A few more hours and we shall rise with the noon sun upon the lookout post!"
The Emperor jumped again, stomp stomp, and the vines began to shake... and tremble... and soon everyone had an eerie feeling inside of them.
Yanna glared at the Emperor. As if reading Yanna's thoughts, Bob bit the Emperor on the leg to make him stop.
"Ohmygod! You nasty little thing!" The Emperor yelled out with agony! And he took out his whip from the fight and made a big lashing at the spider's legs, causing it to become tied up.
"You're lassoed!!" Laughed the Emperor. And with that, he took an evil glare to Yanna with his eyes squinting with fire, "You shall not make Focker think things! He must make material for me!"
"You idiot! Focker didn't bite you, Bob did! And if you injure Bob, I will smite you and all you know!" Yanna growled.
"Aye, but Emperor," Syrenna said, "You cannot bend Focker to your will. He is free among my forest and free he shall remain. He makes this thread for you only because he likes to make it."
She turned to Yanna, saying, "You are very friendly among the animals, Yanna. I can sense they like you for it."
"Yes, that is great. I am glad it is so." The Emperor said sarcastically, "Bah, you silly Yanna! Oh golly, she and her little Bob spider have made a scary evil connection! Now they will try to gang up against me! To throw me down!" The Emperor began to steam out of his ears, like a train, and wielded his shiny dagger out quickly! He pointed it at Bob's chin, then Yanna's. He made a cackle and the dagger grew longer, like about three feet! Long like a sword now, what ho!
"Ooo wow!" Ivanova laughed, "Shine galore!"
"It is ok Bob, the Emperor just needs to seriously relax," Yanna said to her spider. Turning to the Emperor, she snapped, "Maybe you should take a vacation!"
"Yes, that is the vacation to Ipanema I was talking about earlier." He said, referring to one of the topics of discussion they had broached while watching the drunk belugas dance, "Then I can relax and wouldn't have piss build up in my system, causing me to mutter to myself day and night... 100% profanities and cursing in my dark dark mind! Wanting to kill things like Ivanova and so on! Ooooh! What bliss that would be. No need for a gun, Emperor. No need for a gun!" And he smiled to himself.
"Uh," Yanna said, more than a little confused, "Should we leave you, uh... alone?"
"Yes, let's go," Syrenna said.
And with that, they walked across many more bridges and climbed some ladders and even swung on ropes, Tarzan style.
At the break of noon, they came to a big fat tree. Syrenna opened it at one of its roots. Nothing was there. It was hollow. They all looked at Syrenna as she urged them in. Once they all were inside, she closed the root and then rubbed her hand on the sides of the tree. Under them, the floor began to vibrate. It was moving! It lifted them all the way up to the very top of the tree, like an elevator.
The tree opened at the top and they all stepped out. As the sun shone out over the Silent Island, they were in awe. They could see the distant blue sea sparkling off in the distance, and the white gold sands of the shore. Rolling green hills spread out to the volcanic landscape in the east and the jagged mountains to the north. It was beautiful! They took in the sight in a companionable silence for some time.
"Well, that sure is lovely," Yanna said quietly. Above them, they could hear the Moody Blob gurgling to itself.
"Isn't it though?" Syrenna agreed, "Just lovely! Well, if you all don't wanna take the long way back - the way we came here - I could arrange for some transportation back to your own dwellings. Or, if you like, we can have some tea in my 'house'. It is up to you." she said.
And the Emperor yelled out, "Tea and biscuits first! Then out home! I am famished."
"Alright then, what about you Yanna?" Syrenna asked.
"Yes, tea and biscuits sounds good." Was Yanna's reply.
"Good, then it is settled... Well, I suppose that you will come with us, Ivanova?"
Ivanova nodded, smiling, and then Syrenna snapped her fingers four times, and four long vines fell from the treetops in front of them. Syrenna smiled, taking one in her hand.
"Follow me!" She laughed, running right off the platform. Gripping the vine tightly, she swung in the air and then, to their surprise, was gently lowered down to the ground by the vine.
Ivanova smiled widely and took a flying leap off the side with a knife in between her teeth and the vine tightly wound around her hands. She yelled in an evil laugh as she flew back and forth then down.
The Emperor looked over the edge slightly, tugging on the vine to make sure it was safe. Yanna, evil intentions in her mind, snuck up behind him. He grabbed the vine and held his breath. Just then Yanna screamed high, loud and shrill, causing him to fall off the platform. She laughed hysterically as he fell, getting extreme rope burn. A net of vines wound up underneath him, catching him. It then lowered the shaking Emperor down and released him on the ground. Yanna leaped off the platform and spiralled all the way down the vine to the soft earth.
"Shall we go then?" She asked cheerfully.
"Yeah, sure..." The Emperor said quietly, with a small tone of piss, "Look what you did to my little fingers!" He yelled out loud. And with the burn in his hand, he let it go and POOF! It turned into a giant billowing fire! It swallowed the tops of their heads and their mouths dropped open. Then the Emperor's hands sparkled in the light, like an icy look, and he said he felt better.
That's when Lady Syrenna spoke out, "Umm... Okay..." And lead the group out of the clearing where they had all landed.
They walked for a while in the warm sun. Syrenna was ever peering around for something. "Ah ha!" She said suddenly. She walked up to a fat tree and a skinny tree growing side by side and stopped in front of it. She placed her right hand on the skinny tree and seemed to concentrate a bit. The others thought she was being weird again. As if the tree had no roots and was floating, it moved! Syrenna was pushing it towards the fat tree! Once it was pushed up against it, she turned and smiled at them. "Watch this!" She turned back and pulled the tree slowly back to its original spot. In between the two trees they saw what looked like a cross between the insides of a cabin and a forest clearing. The trees were like a door!
"How the hell did you do that?" Ivanova asked.
"I knocked the trees... that is what I call it. Any skinny tree by a fat tree is a doorway to my house! Now come in and let's eat!"
Once they were all in she closed the passageway the same way she had opened it. Inside was a big bright clearing surrounded by fat and skinny trees. Yanna peered in between some of them and found that she could not see the outside world. She thought that this must be in a different dimension. Or maybe perhaps a magic protective spell.
"I have darkened a corner for those of you, if not all, who like the darker parts of the earth," Syrenna said.
Yanna was giggling to herself while thinking about how much fun she could have with, what she considered to be, the silly little uptight peoples. The others would have smacked her if they knew what she was thinking.
The Emperor ran into the clearing and jumped into one of the darker openings between the trees, and sat down on a frail wooden seat. It was like a sort of cubicle inside, but with little fires inside spheres out of lily pads. Their shine glowed right through the leaf transparency. It was magnificent to look at. Everything echoed in the small dining room as the Royalties waited quietly and patiently for Syrenna to bring the tea and biscuits.
Ivanova began to stomp suddenly and so loudly, being so impatient. She screamed and hit the walls. Just then a small round circle in the middle of the wall gradually sucked itself inside the wall. Their surroundings began to twist quickly and leaves began to sprout out from the ceiling. They looked up and there were two openings. The leaves became a sort of staircase and they all reached up to the sides of it, held on, and waited to see what was next to happen...
Tea and biscuits of the sweetest smells floated down from the leftmost opening and surrounded the three of them. Syrenna followed after the goodies and gave them all napkins. The hole then spilled out wonderful woods music by Enya.
"Cool, you don't see that every day!" Yanna said, with Bob riding on her back, "I am very curious to see what is up there, anyone wanna come with me?" She asked, pointing at the rightmost hole.
Syrenna smiled and looked to the others, raising an eyebrow as if to say, "Shall we?"
Just then, the Emperor's stomach grumbled. "Hold on!" He yelled, grabbing a biscuit from the silver tray of Lady Syrenna's and ate it quickly. After a moment's hesitation, he picked up the tray to take with him, and motioned for the others to begin the expedition!
They began trekking up yet another tree trunk spiral staircase, but after a few twists up, they came to an opening in the bark, where the stairs exited and continued up on the outside of the tree. Under the bright afternoon sun, the forest canopy around them was lit up like emeralds!
Suddenly, the Emperor and Syrenna began talking about something that had happened in one of their Reality dreams. Some work they had to do, but couldn't because someone had not arrived.
Ivanova and Yanna were getting very bored with the talk, and they muttered amongst themselves. Then Yanna became very bored, and putting her finger and thumb in her mouth, she gave a tremendous whistle! Not long after, a black gryphon came soaring out of the treetops and hovered just off the side of the staircase. Yanna, with Bob clinging to her back, jumped into the waiting saddle on the gryphon. With a click of her tongue, Yanna guided the gryphon up and away.
"So much for your expedition," Ivanova muttered with a roll of her eyes, continuing up the stairs on foot.
"I'll do number two, I guess," Syrenna muttered about the Reality work. Then, as if coming out of a trance, she noticed that the others had gone away. She frowned and looked to the stairs. "Hmmm... do number two of what?"
"Oh who even knows? I hate this Reality nonsense!" And the Emperor clicked his toes together. He grabbed another cookie and quickly gulped down the tea (not such an elegant way to drink tea but he was using it as a beverage, not an actual proper etiquette thing).
Lady Syrenna and the Emperor made their way up the rest of the stairs themselves.
When they got up, they found themselves in what appeared to be a cathedral of branches. In the middle of it, there was a strange giant stained glass sort of sculpture in front of them. It glistened and it sort of freaked them out because it was so spiky and weird looking. It was just so tall! And then they both heard screams... and as they ran towards the sculpture, they saw Ivanova and Yanna underneath the stained glass creature's ass.
"Oh my god! What's going on?" The Emperor demanded. "Yanna? Did I just imagine you flew off on a black gryphon? Hehehe, and yet I wonder what Ivanova is doing under there... Hehehe!"
There was a big crash and a loud screech. Syrenna's chickadee friend, Chub (the very same one who called all the animals that day with the red dragon and the egg) flew up the stairs and landed on her shoulder. He began cheeping nonstop, too fast for Syrenna to even understand him!
As the Emperor drew closer, he saw that Ivanova was screaming at a hole in the sort of ass crack of the sculpture, and as Lady Syrenna and Emperor Beluga drew closer, the sculpture began to move!
"I said - THE THING! IS BACK! IN YOUR TREE SHRINE!" Chub managed to peep out before the stained glass sculpture flexed its powerful limbs and tail and began to roar! IT WAS ALIVE! IT WAS A MONSTER! And all of a sudden, Ivanova and Yanna were sucked into the hole!
"I thought I told you to get out!?" Syrenna screamed at the glass thing.
It hissed and lashed out at the Emperor. Ivanova and Yanna were going blue in the face inside it.
"Drop them! Drop them right now!!" Syrenna yelled again.
Then spikes began to grow across the monster's hide, and one shot passed her head.
Syrenna used vines to lift some heavy (not to mention some rather rare and shiny) rocks that decorated the shrine and threatened the glass statue with them. It growled. She hurled the rocks and they smashed the creature to pieces! The shards hung in the air, glittering in the sunlight.
The Emperor laughed loudly, but to his surprise, the tiny shards all flew back together to rebuild the nasty thing! It hissed at them before lashing out at the two Royalties it didn't have trapped. Chub flew off in a panic.
"Damn glass beast! He always manages to sneak in here when I've left the 'doors' open!" Syrenna spat.
"Is it one of your beasts?" Asked the Emperor, "Doesn't quite look like a forest beast, maybe more like even a sea beast. Mirror beast. Witchery beast."
"Ah yes. Sounds right." Replied Syrenna. "Speaking of witchery, I do believe this creature became more aggressive after those hippo witches arrived on our shore!"
Inside the monster's anus, Ivanova tried to struggle herself free. "You wanna speculate after you've killed this thing?!"
"No, I'd rather speculate now!" Said Syrenna, sarcastically, "We will soon get you out of the monster's ass! Just wait a sec."
Syrenna and the Emperor stood still at the feet of the monster. Yanna and Ivanova laid inside the black hole in between the monster's legs, looking quite intoxicated, but in a bad way.
"What the hell! Why did it trap us between its legs!?" Ivanova screamed, flailing and trying to escape.
"Because what better way to hold you while keeping its attacking limbs free!" The Emperor said as he dodged a swipe from the monster.
"Bah yes, silly me!" Ivanova said sarcastically, flailing even more.
The Yanna beside her didn't seem to mind, which was weird. Just then, Yanna walked up the stairs.
"I think my gryphon took a wrong turn at the-" she stopped when she spotted the other Yanna in the monster's ass.
"OH MY GOD! AN IMPOSTOR! IDENTIFY YOURSELF AT ONCE OR DIE! Well, actually you will die anyways, but I'll kill you really quickly and painlessly if you tell me who you are and why you are posing as me. AND, why the hell you and Ivanova are in a monster's ass!?"
"That is its ass, isn't it?" Yanna asked the others.
"Nah, this is fucked up right here!" Ivanova yelled. Through all her struggling, she managed to get an arm and a sword free, and she uses it to shatter the monster to bits. The glass shards rain down, and Ivanova and the impostor Yanna fell free of the monster's ass. Or maybe it was its mouth, and what they all thought to be its mouth was actually its ass. Like it was reversed or whatever.
"Alright then, back to the tea and crumpets!" Ivanova said cheerfully, but the shards began to vibrate and they started to move. Ivanova frantically stomped on them, but they eventually regenerated and the beast leaped out of a hole in the tree wall.
"That was a Glasserol beast. It looms around in the dark and likes to creep up on people... Hey Yanna, where's Bob?" Syrenna asked.
"Now which Yanna are you talking to, Lady Syrenna?" The Emperor asked, "Yanna. There's two of them now. Looks like," The Emperor dizzied out, "Makes no sense. The Glasserol monster... looks like it reformed itself with the stained glass! Oh my!" He muttered.
"Uhhh, I was talking to that Yanna," Syrenna said, pointing to the one on the floor. "No, I mean that one." She pointed to the one who just arrived. "No no no... The real Yanna!"
"I am the real Yanna!" Both shouted in unison.
"Oh yeah?"
"YEAH!"
"Yeah? Well, We'll see about that!" Said Yanna One, drawing her sword and attacking Yanna Two. Both fought viciously while Bob (who was very confused) frantically ran around in circles. With the Glasserol beast gone, Chub came out of hiding, perching on Syrenna's shoulder and puffing up indignantly.
"This was the thing I was talking about, not the Glasserol monster!" He peeped, "One of those pesky changelings found their way in here!"
Syrenna groaned, "Ugh, it would be a changeling! They're always playing tricks like this!"
"Gah! Golly! Oumph!" The Emperor gasped, "Look at the sword catfight! It is quite rowdy over there! Go real Yanna! Go!" The Emperor made to throw marbles to the shiny wooden floor, "The one who is real Yanna will slip and will be caught by the real Bob! Unless of course... there are two Bobs then, just as there are two Yannas?"
"Hey! Let's not redden the floors just yet! How about we see who is who," Syrenna suggested, "Someone ask a question the real Yanna would know!"
Ivanova, suddenly remembering something from the Reality dreams, called out, "Yanna! What did I call you in the Reality world for some reason?"
Both Yannas were still trying desperately to kill each other as Ivanova tried to get their attention. Finally, one of the Yannas pauses long enough to answer "Hitler!". Then both resume their violence.
Ivanova jumped up and down and pointed to the Yanna who answered, "THAT'S HER!! THAT'S HER!! HITLER!!"
"Yeah, that is CORRECT!" Syrenna said in a game show announcer type voice, "But wait! They've mixed themselves up again!"
The fight was ended as one screamed and died. The real Yanna (remembering how irritating the nickname "Hitler" was) threw her bloody sword at Ivanova before going to Bob and calming him down.
"I suppose, hehe, the one who wanted to kill Ivanova is the real one. Har har, just like anybody else!" The Emperor laughed. But his laughter was cut short when the Glasserol beast came barreling in through a different window, crashing into the four of them!
The group got thrashed violently by the giant stained Glasserol monster! Up they scampered on to the giant windowsill by the tall narrow holes in the tree shrine. The monster bit at their feet.
"You know what? This beast is really pissing me off!" Lady Syrenna screamed. She held out her hands, and from them shot a net of poisonous red thorny vines. They wriggled around the beast's neck and then burst into flames! The Glasserol beast began to melt!
"That's wicked! Let's make an ornament out of it!" The Emperor said excitedly, "And put candles inside... we could have a night party!"
"Mmmm... Flaming thorny vines! Those are always good to have. The protector of the woods always has the perfect accessories for any situation." Yanna complemented.
"DUDE! Like the wood elves!" Syrenna laughed. She and Ivanova high-fived each other. They were the only two on the Island who had read the Lord of the Rings, apparently.
The Emperor sighed, lamenting his lack of cool powers. "I can only really explode with magical powers or whatever if I build up everything inside and shoot it out. I am calm at the moment. Nothing's working. Only stress builds." He said, clapping sadly.
As this was going on, the molten body of the Glasserol beast began to cool, and the vines receded away. Syrenna smiled, saying, "Shall we return to the tea and crumpets?"
"Yes, lets! I am rather hungry!" Ivanova replied.
"Hey, do you have any croissants? They are so tasty!" Yanna asked.
"Croissants? Yes, they are! Though this isn't my house. Have you any, Syrenna?" The Emperor asked.
Ivanova, meanwhile, had folded her arms and with a nod of her head, a plate of fish appeared before her, covered in tartar sauce. "Mmmm, fish!" She said happily.
"Cool! Fish. I love fish. May I have some?" Yanna asked. "And where the hell did you get it anyway?"
"And what does tartar sauce taste like?" the Emperor asked.
"That's my little secret, pumpkin!" Ivanova said to Yanna, "And I'll share it when we get down to the table. You can try some tartar sauce then!" She said to the Emperor. Just as they all four walked down to the hole where the staircase of vines waited, a bipedal creature jumped past them.
"OH MY GOD!" The Emperor yelled out. "IT'S A DIK DIK!"
And Dik Dik swooped in and swiped the fish from Ivanova's hands!!
"OH MY GOD!! THE PORN DEER!!" Ivanova screamed, covering her eyes with her now plate-free hands.
"Damn Dik Dik, what a name!" Syrenna muttered, "Please dear Dik Dik, will you return the fish?" Syrenna asked in her Silent Animal Language.
"Ah! He stole the fish! We must kill him at once!" Yanna cried, unsheathing her sword.
"MY TILAPIA!!" Ivanova screamed before chasing after the porn deer with the intent of killing him!
"Hey, I got some PIE!!" The Lady yelled, trying to restore some order as Ivanova and Yanna chased the deer around, "Come now, you know we have our own little posse here, don't we?"
The Emperor started giggling at that.
"I said POSSE! You nasty minded freak..." Syrenna grumbled.
"Yeah! A posse! LET US KILL THE PORN DEER!!" Ivanova laughed.
"Hah, that's right! It is a deer, after all!" The Emperor laughed, clueing in on the thing's species. It was kinda hard to tell, since the thing stood on two legs and looked more like a man than a deer. Though it was horny. Well, it had horns on its head, at least.
"HAHA! A BUCK BUCK! A BUCK!" The Emperor cackled, and he took his whip and lashed with it at the deer's ass, and the deer fell to the floor.
"Hmm, I wonder what deer tastes like?" Yanna wondered out loud.
Ivanova, who had triumphantly taken her fish back, said, "Why don't you cook this bitch up and see?"
"You may not kill deer in this forest!" Syrenna said, her animal protection instincts kicking in. She then got a good look at the dazed Dik Dik, and she thought better of trying to save him, "Well, okay, you can kill this Dik Dik, but if you see a white stag, you let him be. And don't follow him, as he will lead you deep into the forest and leave you to wander lost among the ferns..." she warned. "And I won't be eating any of that thing. Who knows where it's been!"
"Ooo... I bet YOU'D like to eat him!" The Emperor cackled, pointing at Ivanova.
"No no," she shot back, "YOU want to eat his BANANA!!!"
"Well, I don't really want to eat him, but can we kill him anyways?" Yanna asked. The Emperor took his crown and stabbed it into the deer's face. It turned the man deer into a magical food deer! "Alright then, you can eat him now! Come on fire! Come on knife! Come on burn, burn baby, burn!!" He chanted, starting to go a little nutso, "Oh he is quite a large deer." He said suggestively.
"What would you mount on the wall, Emperor?" Syrenna laughed.
"Just the deer's head." Was the Emperor's reply.
"You're going to mount WHAT!?" Yanna laughed.
"No. No no." The Emperor growled.
"We should build a hunting lodge!" Ivanova suggested.
"Okay, yes! Let's build a hunting lodge! That would rock!" The Emperor said excitedly.
"Yeah! And we could put skulls on sticks to ward off stupid Reality people from ever coming here!" Syrenna suggested.
"We can get many scary skulls from the demons in the east!" Ivanova told them, "We can kill them and mount their heads on our wall!"
Syrenna laughed, asking, "What will we make out of their fur? Or do demons have any fur?"
"Some do," Ivanova told her. "And Yanna can have the genitals!"
"Aw, that is so nice Ivanova, but I wouldn't dream of depriving you of the big deer balls and cock," Yanna said slyly.
"Or LIPS!" The Emperor added, "I know you like them so much!"
Yanna snickered.
"No no," Ivanova replied gravely, "I know those are what you desire to keep you company during the long, lonely nights..."
"Aw, are you jealous?" Yanna sneered.
"Hah! Hardly!"
"Jeeze!" Syrenna said between giggles, "You guys are hilarious! I can't stop laughing!"
"Hey, Lady Syrenna? Do you have any croissants?" Yanna asked, trying to steer the conversation away to something not so rude.
"Ah, yes I do. Here you are!" She said holding out a silver platter of all sorts of goodies. Including croissants, "Tea? I have strawberry, earl grey, mint, mystic berry, Irish faerie flower, and honey butter. I might have some more in the other room. Which one would you like?" Syrenna asked the others.
"Thank you so very much for your hospitality." Yanna said, "I'll have strawberry tea please."
"I'd like some earl grey!" Ivanova said.
"And I would like honey butter." Added the Emperor.
"Ah, here you are then," Syrenna said, pouring a cup of tea each into four elegant clay mugs. "Would you like some faerie butter to go on your croissants?"
"Indeed."
"I would."
"Mmm, that sounds tasty!"
"Then let's sit and eat a most scrumptious snack!" Somewhere between her second croissant and third mug of tea, something came to Syrenna's mind.
"THE MOODY BLOB! We did not feed her!"
"Ah, no matter, we'll do it later," Ivanova said.
The End